Advice for Partner of someone coming off Citalopram

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dragonfly
joined 26 Oct 2007
10 posts

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Posted by dragonfly, 19:46 6 November 2007

Hi Georgia,
Things must be difficult right now. During my moments of complete 'headspinning' I really don't know who or what I am. I guess I'm lucky to have the most patient OH. He has gone as far as recording me and playing it back to me when I am calm. You need to take care of yourself - I have been both sides of the coin. You are no help if you are mentally drained, he will take it out on you - ironically because he loves you and feels you will be there for him. (I know this is no excuse). My doctor took me off Citalopram for exactly the same reasons as your partner. I can understand why he wants to come off it - it really started making me feel worse. Try to pick your moment carefully and suggest going to the GP together to discuss alternatives to Citalopram (my GP put me on Fluoxetine). I have battled with a variety of mental health issues for 18 years before my OH and my GP took me in hand. That said - I did have to get to the bottom of the black hole before I was ready to accept I had issues and I could deal with them or let it beat me.
I don’t know if my ramblings will be of any help - I just want you to know you are not alone. Indeed when I turned 30 something it seemed I was the odd one out for not being on AD’s!.
I hope you are able to discuss things with him and you work it out.
Dragonfly

Sleepy- bear
joined 1 Oct 2007
28 posts

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Posted by Sleepy- bear, 16:48 7 November 2007

Hi Georgina

Firstly, i would like to say you are doing brilliantly saying what a hard time you must be having. I for one have suffered from depression for number of years now. I was only diagnosed with SAD last year. My partner often finds it difficult to know how to act around me. But we have discussed with matter during my calmer moments, and i try to make a concious effort to communicate with him more to say when i do and and don't need my own space. However, i have never, and would never tell him to agree with everything i asid. You are still your own person, but within a relationship, not a dictatorship. Living with depression is difficult for both the sufferer, and those who care around them. I want my partner to stillt ell me when i being unreasonable and talk to me. I have a little sign that i can put on the door in our room, so he knows if i want some space or time alone, without having to say anything, in case i bite his head off unnecessarily. I agree with Dragonfly, that you need to look after yourself. This isn't being selfish, but if you are drained, then you can't support anyone else either.

I think you need to discuss your concerns with him during a calmer moment. Explain gently as you have done on here, that if he is doing this for you, then he should support you to support him. Maybe see the GP together, so you can be involved and informed. Not as a pressure, but with more knowledge of what he is going through you can help him better. It is never a good idea to instantly come off medication, whether you want to or not. Explain to him how much you love him, and by acting in an appropriate way, such as seeking advice, this is relieving the strain from you both, so that you can support him better. Ideally, you need to make out that this will help you to help him. he needs to see that this will benefit himself, as depressed people (not saying this is true of all cases) can sometimes forget that other peoples feeling matter too.
I really hope things work out for you. Sounds like you both work hard together.

Kal

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