Want to talk?

I am so glad that I have found this site and do you know why? Because you can actually talk about how you feel without saying it out loud.
I have become a bit of a recluse lately, my family have recognised the familiar signs and think that it would be best for me to talk about it, when in actual fact I find that right now that's the last thing I want to do. At the moment if I talk about how I feel I get very emotional and then the whole rollercoaster ride starts again.
I get very fed up with people telling me to cheer up and stop being so quiet, but I need to be left alone to consider my feelings in my own private time. I will talk about it if and when I feel ready.
Does anyone else feel like this?

i totally understand how you feel. my family are very supportive about it to be honest. I just have a sign on my bedroom door that lets them know if i want to see people or not. and if i don't then they don't disturb me (unless it's for a cup of tea!). i love this site, as like you said, we can all talk about our feelings, without saying it out loud.

Hi Jo I know how you feel about your birthday. Mine is 29th Dec and there have been so many days in the past that I haven't even opened my birthday cards.

I hardly ever talk to my friends in the winter and can't remember how many times I have asked my OH to answer the phone and tell whoever wants me I am in the shower. But my friends understand this.

I too love this site Sleep-bear. Before I found it I thought I was going crazy and the feelings I had were all in my head. I now know different.

Had I not found this site I wouldn't have found my lovely friend PurpleIvy either.

I'm so glad to hear that xx

My birthday was two days ago, the most I could manage was a chinese takeaway on the sofa with hubby. It was great - and I couldn't bear the thought of going out. I couldn't even stand the idea of lunchtime drinks from work - I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Luckily my hubby is pretty understanding, he's learnt to realise that it's tough for me this time of year and he gives me space. He's also quite happy not going out so we don't have any conflict about our social lives (or lack of!).

What I like about the site, is that I feel much more normal than I do in other company. I can see other people going through the same things and it makes me realise that the changes in "me" are OK and that I can live with them.

Happy birthday Piglet xx

Jo I made the decision about a month ago that I am gonna have my birthday on 29th June. But as my friend pointed out, don't tell anyone till after this December then I can have to birthdays within 6 months hehehe

Hey that's a good idea Suzie.

I think I will start celebrating my birthday on 13th June instead of 13th December! If the queen can do it, then why can't we!

I now want to share something with you guys.

The other day I hurt myself on the back of my hand. I told everyone that I had burnt myself on the cooker, but in actual fact it was self inflicted.

I feel so guilty now about lying to people, but at the time it made me feel better.

It's not the first time I've done this either, but have only ever done it in my bad months. I don't want to do anything serious, but it's almost like I''m crying out for someone to notice me. That's bad isn't it. And it makes me feel very selfish and ashamed.

This site is great the way we can all chat together. The problem I have is christmas, most people think im a miserable old so&so, because I get very stressed at christmas, does anyone else have this problem?

Hi Paul

Yes Christmas is difficult because you have to make a BIG effort in front of the family.

My big mistake before has been having a drink, because it makes you forget your troubles for a short while, but makes you feel worse in the end. I wouldn't recommend it. And it is much harder at Christmas to say no to having a glass of wine with someone!

Paulst, I hate christmas. Only because I always associate it with feeling ill. I don't know about any of you guys but I always have the flu or a really bad cold. I have been told it is something to do with our immune systems not being so resilient.

Yes Suzie this is true. Because we feel run down and stressed, our immune systems take a battering, hence which is why we get so many colds etc. I've ususally got a face full of cold sores too, what a lovely picture!

LOL.... why not, you could pretend you are in aussy and have it on the beach!!

Or maybe not lol

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

I too prefer to be alone this time of year, I don't feel "robust" enough to be with other people, I find it hard going and feel that I'm disappointing company.

My best friend's birthday is in July, it is always in carnival week in our home town and it's been a standing joke that I share her birthday as I never want to do anything on my own birthday. It's been that way since we were kids way before I knew about SAD.

I like Christmas, I think I've learnt to give myself a break about it. My family accept that I'm not the life and soul of the party and I give myself time to veg in front of the TV with books and chocolate and I enjoy it. It's easier for me perhaps, we don't have children (OH has but they are adult) and OH loves to cook so he does most of the work around the house at Christmas so it is easier for me to do nothing.

I really do think your own attitude to yourself is very central to how you cope with SAD. My expectations of myself this time of year are very very low. If I get to work five days a week then I'm doing pretty good and anything else is a bonus.

I agree Piglet, I used to try and keep
up my standards then beat myself up about it if I couldn,t. Now I am not half as bad. Like you if I get to work and keep on top of the laundry and dishes then I am fairly happy.

By the way..... going Christmas shopping this weekend!!

I am a great believer that you should feel proud of yourself and give yourself a little treat every time you do something, however small it is, like the washing up, washing the car or even just going to the shops for some milk.

Make sure you all give yourself a treat this weekend, something that you know you enjoy when you are well!

Best of luck with the Christmas shopping Suzie! I think that deserves the hugest treat ever!

Are you old enough to have grandchildren Suzie? LOL!

I've got to go to a black tie dinner to get presented with a cheque for youth orchestra. I was too tired to go to chorus tonight, so haven't pushed it today at all. But I know that unless I do it like that I won't survive the evening. I'm going to have 10 mins nap in a bit.

I had to stay in for stuff being delivered, negotiating and chasing with builders all day, couldn't cope with anything more.... except getting frustrated with new sewing machine. Think DH wondered what I had been doing all day!

have a wonderful night mate, sure it will be fab.

And if being a kick in the arse off 50 is old enough then I suppose I am lol....

Let me know about meeting up soon, would love to see you for a catch up xx

PurpleIvy and Suzie where do you live? I'm in Peterborough

Hi Jo

We both live in the Cheshire area, Warrington.

I found Fluoxetine did decrease my appetite initially.

Hope you had a great weekend x

Hi Nickyj14 and welcome to the site. Firstly you should go to your GP and get a diagnosis. That would be a good starting point. You are doing well if you are managing to exercise and do meditation, thats great.

I bought a britespark light box from this site. It is around 100.00 and has been great. That is probably gonna be the cheapest you will find. You can also hire and try before you buy.

I have used my britespark for about 4 years now. It's also quite portable so I used to take my to work.

Hope this helps. You will find the guys on here very friendly and full of good advice.

Take care

Perhaps I should put my Britespark on Ebay, as I have the other light now!

HI nicky, I think the going to the doctor bit, was to see if you had sad or to make sure you didnt have any other illness. When I went to the doc, he took 3 different blood samples and a urine sample, even got me filling in questionairs.

Contrary to popular belief, GP's are able to do a lot more than prescribe antidepresants. As the others said, GP will want to rule out underlying illnesses. My GP once did a questionnaire to assess how severe my level of depresssion was. Can also refer you to other experts for different things. Might be exercise on prescription, counsellor... not necessarily drugs. It's your body, up to you to decide what course of action you can take.

I'm a fan of my dawn simulator and also SAD LAMP. It's Golite P1 I think. I like it, blue light, which is comfortable to use, can reduce the intensity if I want, also very compact.. portable cd player size. I try hard not to take on too much in winter and if I don't want to see people I try and keep it to a minimum.

I also have a dawn simulator, its wonderful not having to wake up in the dark on a cold Winters morning, Its useful at bedtime too,and helps me get of to sleep.

Yes, I always manage to wake up on time with a pleasant glow in the room. If I had to get up in the dark, im not sure how I would cope, its hard enough to get up at this time of the year, without the light, I think I would really struggle.

Ive never tried sleeping in a room without curtains, dont think my light would be much use.

HI sandy, glad we can help, post as often as you need, its always good to chat with likeminded people and give each other support.


paul

PurpleIvy, I hope you didn't put your Brightspark on eBay. Isn't there somewhere else you can make use of it?

I have two SADlights, and I plan on getting a dawn simulator. I have one light in the bedroom and one at my computer desk.

Maybe I'm a hoarder, but I just shudder at the thought of getting rid of one. I'd have one in every room if I could... I just feel a bit desperate when it comes to facing SAD. Congrats if you're feeling confident enough to let go of a light.

Been also thinking of getting a GoLite for travel. Would love to have a private-enough space at work to retreat to using my light without calling attention to myself.

Hope that you are feeling better by now Sandy. It does sometimes help to keep things in proportion, knowing that others are going through it as well.

The old lamp is so bulky compared to the other on. When I get my 'home salon-cum-office sorted out, I might put the old lamp in there if there is room. At the moment I lie in bed with the little one for half an hour before I get out of bed.

Hi again.
I use the dawn simulator just in the morning usually, unless I'm expecting a late night, then I might top up late afternoon. I'll try and find the circadian rhythm assessment thing, it was what confirmed that what I was doing was OK.

When I had my bright spark (is that what it's cal;ed?) I used it for an hour, but I think the golite is more powerful and I try and have 30-40 mins. It's got a timer on it which is handy.

I am taking med at the mo, started as a precautionary measure and things are loads better than when I have taken it when I got desperate. Happy to talk more about this off the forum, I believe my email address is in my profile at the moment. I'm in work most of the day, so will be on and off the computer, depending what my students are up to.

Hello Sleepy Bear

I hope your weekend was a peaceful one. I have to admit that I did struggle, especially on Sunday morning. I stayed at a friends house on Saturday and we had a great evening, but then I woke up on Sunday morning in a bit of a panic and was very tearful. He was very good but didn't really know what to say. I feel sorry for my friends and family at times because they try really hard to help me, but it is impossible for them to know how I actually feel.

I am 32 and I looking back I have suffered ever since I was about 18, although my GP didn't diagnose me until last year. She said she had noticed a pattern on my records!
I also think that it was because now SAD is becoming a more recognised condition, but I also feel that people can be too quick to jump on the band wagon, so to speak, and blame their unhappiness on SAD.

Believe me you know when you have SAD!

I have had my light box since last year, but as I said in a previous post to Purple Ivy, I have never really been given any advice on how to use it properly. I tend to use it in the evenings but have been having problems going to sleep of late and am wondering if it is because of the light.

i have just ordered myself a dawn simulator hoping that it will give me a little bit of a boost when I wake up, because my mornings are most definitely the worst times.

Good to hear from you.

Your hedgehog is soooo cute! I have to say, I like guinea pigs better!

Good connection!

hence i like the term bear. they hibernate. plus in the winter i tend to get excess fat too! like a bear. the masses of hair in my mane are just natural all year round! I agree, too many people jump on the band wagon about it. though i don't know why, given the choice i wouldn't have it!

My friends and family are often the same. My boyfriend never knows what to do, nor do my colleagues. I find that the worst. when i get all stressed and weepy at my desk. I also hate meeting new people about this time of year, cause i think they will just think that i am mental! But we always get new people at work about this time of year.

My other close friends, though they never really know what to do with me when i get like that, they are very supportive. I'm just so grateful everytime the clocks go back to normal that they haven't deserted me! Come the summer months, i feel back to myself and i stop worrying about it cause i know that they are such good mates. But come the winter i get all panicky that they will leave me!

Do you find that you become a little self-obsessed with relation to your moods. Its just that i do a lot lately. i keep forgetting to ask how other people are, cause i feel so low myself at times. Starting to feel bad about it, which gets into a cycle as these things do. I just think it's so odd, how i can be a jekyll and hyde oer the summer/winter months. i'm like 2 different people.

I would recommend using your light in the morning though, as the light is designed to reduce your melatonin levels, which is what makes your brain think it's night - hence time to sleep. if your having it too late in the day, your brain won't recognise night. I use mine first thing in the morning, and a little in the afternoon if i need a top up.

Listen to me rambling on!

Kal

Hi just thought Id join in...

I often forget names of even my best friends, and trying to remember what on earth I am talking about at the end of a sentence is a total nightmare and makes me feel unintelligent.

I am constantly telling people that I actually have a high IQ, but cant remember what it is!!!! There I go again - its a get out clause.

When I am bad I think the whole world doesnt like me. I do correct my thinking immediately, but as I said to the doctor, I can only do this so much because I then seem to exist just to dual think! - I then get depressed.- sound familiar!

I asked my doctor if she came across many other SAD patients, she said that there is more than I realise. Rightly, or wrongly, I immediately clarified that in my eyes there is a huge difference between the 'winter blues' and 'SAD' - if that was what she was thinking.

I know of only one other person in my home town who also suffers. Nearly everyone else always says that they know how I am feeling!!!!!! I have to bite my tongue, 'they have the winter blues, I have SSSSSAAAAAAADDDDDDDD arrrrrrrrrrr'. I again correct my thinking to 'they are really trying to be sympathetic, and do actually feel washed out' - but at least they can function.

Can you see what I mean about my dual thinking?

With regards to a person getting headaches whilst using the lightbox, just thought Id better make sure that they werent using any other medication, such as st Johns Wort, which makes you more light sensitive.
ME x

hi ya

My husband calls me quirky.

I used to call all men FRED, a nick name so that I didnt have to embarrass myself. This backfired when my mother actually went out with a Fred, then they fell out. She has since married another person - I called him Fred - well you can imagine the look I got. I cant do that now.

I sometimes call my boys 1,2 and 3. It makes them smile. They are good kids and laugh when I get their names completely wrong and when I say 'oh, whatever your name is'. I suppose they are so used to it that they are shocked when I get it right!
ME x

I love the Fred story!

LOL - thanks for giving me a laugh Fray Brentos - it always amuses me that folk bother to read and join forums that have no interest for them. I'm surprised you don't have better things to do.

Now run along and play nicely somewhere else dear....

Oh Fray

I think that I can safely say that you do not have SAD.

You extremely lucky thing.

MEx

Well said Purple Ivy!

I too have a full time job, have lots of interests and at my age I have also learnt to read. Funny that.

Puddleshy

join the club flower.
havent tried 5htp, but reading some of the comments in the forum I think that, as this question keeps coming up, it doesnt give me much confidence. Unless someone else knows different?

Light box should work a treat though!
MEx

Welcome to the forum puddleshy, I hope you find the advice and support valuable and look forward to reading your posts.

A few days or so before I get to the really openly crying state. I get a strange feeling that I am actually sobbing inside. Not that anyone else will be able to tell, apart from my sighs. Anyone else reconise this?

whoops, three year old helping me push the buttons- sorry
MEx

Gosh, I just eat for England. Never mind the main course, just go straight for the stoggy pudding mmmmmm - and lots of it.

kept under control with light though, this takes those symptoms away.
ME x

I find that if you feel really down, there isn't much that can lift you out of it except yourself.

If you feel like a good cry, have one, I usually feel a bit better afterwards.

Do the men cry too or is it just a woman thing?

Well that was the hardest thing I've ever attempted (yoga). It was great in that you focus on nothing else but what you are doing for that hour! Boy am I going to be bruised tomorrow - I think I was doing it wrong but I must say I feel energised and a bit hungry which is a good sign! I was crying at 5 and stretching like I've never stretched before at 6 and now I'm feeling ok! We'll see how long that lasts!!

Hi Faerie9
My stomach is sewn up at the moment so I can't eat anything, but last night I was watching Eastenders and had a craving for potato wedges!

But then I couldn't be bothered to cook anything so I went to bed without anything to eat again!

I think I can safely say that men do get a bit weepy sometimes, but who cares if it helps.I dont usualy show much emotion,but sometimes, when im at my worst I have been a bit emotional and thats ok.

Almost had a cry last night on the trolley home. I was able to hold together, though, by putting on some music.

Might try and find my post from last year.... feel good music.

Music is good for me too

This is my 1st visit to this site and its amazing to read how many people feel as bad as I do at this awful time of year,I'm looking to by a light box cos I enjoy being outside as often as I can,but these awful short days drive me crazy.Dark at 4 oclock and the dreaded xmas coming up,I really hate xmas,cold dark and miserable.yuk.

hey every1 i'm kinda new... i'm under 15 and i've been searching for answers to my problems. i don't really have any1 to talk to at home or school so i serched for something like this and i found it yay...
i like helping people with their problems so if you have any just tell me and i'll be glad to listen. I want to be a sychiatrist someday so it will be great practice for me.

Hi Jacki3, and welcome =)
I hope you enjoy it here!