mess

Hi, I really need some help. I have really bad SAD, and it makes me angry and frustrated. I basically become very negative about everyone including myself. One of the things that really gets to me when I'm like this is mess. I mean our house being in a mess. The trouble is that my husband isn't really bothered about mess and although he does make an effort, its not enough for it to make a difference to me. I end up, especially when I work from home in winter, feeling like I'm trapped in our house, and surrounded by someone else's mess. It really gets me down, and when I see him it makes me angry. What do I do? I'm aware that I'm probably being unreasonable because of the depression, but that just makes it harder because I'm endlessly trying to find the answer. Can anyone help me because I don't want this to be another winter of arguments and stress.

Hello Matrix

I know exactly how you are feeling right now and so does everyone else on this site. You will find people here very friendly and they all give good advice, because we are all going through the same things.

I think that it is difficult at the moment for you to try and find a solution because your mind is not its normal rational self. Try not to get angry with yourself or your husband, because at the moment it is like you have gone somewhere else for a while. I know that this is so much easier said than done.

Have you been to see your GP? And has he/she given you any advice on what to do? How long have you had SAD?

Being angry and frustrated are all major symptoms of this conditon, you will probably feel really emotional and cry a lot too?

I feel trapped in my house too, but that is of my own doing because I have shut myself away from everything and everyone at the moment. The only thing I do is go to work!

I'm going to bed at about 8pm as well and not eating, so my life at the moment is pretty messed up!

The olny thing that keeps me going is that I know I will start to feel better one day, you don't always feel this bad. Try and think of a day in the summer when you were really warm and happy.

Speak soon.

Matrix

Please don't be hard on yourself because remember it is the condition that is taking over, it is not you, you haven't changed as a person.

It is a vicious circle because you feel bad, so you can't make any effort to do the normal things that you enjoy, then you feel bad because you haven't made the effort!

Who ever created this condition obviously doesn't suffer themselves, I wouldn't inflict it on my worst enemy!

Yes, it doesn't give you a break all day, but distraction is definitely the best technique, even if it is only for 1 minute. At least that's 1 minute you don't have to feel anxious, then maybe tomorrow it will be 2 minutes...

The doctor put me on meds, and now I'm being monitored weekly and then monthly. The light box is on, but if I don't get up and get going, then I'm going to slip again.

Getting up and getting going is very important for me, Matrix. The first time I got signed off work, I decided it would do me no good to still be in my jamas at lunch time, so I set up a routine to make myself feel the best I could. For anyone who's read this before, sorry, skip it!


Up and dressed in the morning, cuppa, SAD lamp, breakfast, meds hair and makeup.

If your husband's mess bothers you, I suggest that you create a little area for yourself. The first year when i was off work, I got my lamp set up downstairs, mext to the radiator, a heap of books and stuff that I could look at while the lamp was on, a fleece throw, so I was cosy and also a place to put my cuppa. I went back there later in the day when i was tired and needed a break. I didn't allow myself to sleep, as at the time night time sleep was erratic and I wanted to give myself the best chance of sleeping at night.


After that my next aim was to make sure laundry was done and food on the table. Home delivery! Toilets and kitchen clean. I figured anything else didn't really matter.

I felt that routine was important, especially on getting up and going to bed times.

Hmmm. I'm rambling!

Hi, Yes I went to a doctor 10 years ago who told me that if I went on about it, I'd never get a job and that they'd probably give me meds to keep me quiet. This was all a bit shocking as I was 19 at the time and not really expecting that. Anyway, I've gone down the meds route now, so hopefully it'll start working soon.
Thanks PurpleIvy, I agree re routine setting. I have a daughter under 2 yrs, and I have to have routine for her,so I can set my own by hers - if you see what I mean. She is at a childminder during the day, and I try to often remind myself of how I must overcome this for her if for no-one else. While she is out I run my own business from home, and was really busy until this crept up recently. Now I can't be bothered. She is the main thing that keeps me going.

I can save the price of delivery by not having the opportunity to impulse-buy! I try and have the delivery at the cheapest time of week, so that it doesn't feel too much like an indulgence.

At the moment I'm trying to save ££ so shop early doors (9,30!) at Morrisons every week, which is becoming routine now. I plan what to have everyday, not much kitchen still, so I have a fairly fixed routine for 4-5 days, then just whatever for the others. Means the bananas last till Friday without going black (dh for lunch!). I haven't needed to do a top up shop for the last month. I find that is where the ££££££ go!

I've just gone back to internet shopping having not bothered with it for the last few years (new house/nearer supermarket). My first Sainsburys delivery is coming tonight. It's a bulk buy with some Christmas stuff in it as well and as it's over £70 delivery is only £2.50 delivery charge - as said I spend more than that on impulse buying plus the fuel and the energy to get to the shop! Oh, plus I get Nectar points too!

We do lots of our shopping at Costco on a monthly basis and fill the freezer (well hubby fills the freezer because I don't get round to doing it - familiar?!). I'm hoping that a Sainsburys shop once or possibly twice a month will be enough to get us through and will stop hubby having to go to the rip off co-op round the corner because I haven't managed to get any food in.

In fact you've reminded me I need to pre-book a slot for a "close to Christmas delivery"!

We find it helps to have food that you can cook from frozen in the freezer so there is an alternative to the Chinese if there is nothing out.

We cook lamb chops, salmon/tuna steaks and sausages on those days.

I've been reading the post about Citalopram. This is what I've been given. 10mg/ day. I'm terrified of the side effects. The doc said I'd be onthem until Feb/ March and then stop. Does this sound ok? What if I get the headaches etc? Do they happen to everyone?

Matrix you have received some great advice here. I don't think there is anything I need to add except we are all here to support each other.

I stress a lot about the house being untidy. I hate clutter, it makes me feel arrgghhhhhh. I like everything to be organised because that makes my head feel organised and I can cope better. When things don't get done and mount up I feel overwhelmed by it all. Does that sound bizzare?

I used to be a lot worse than I am now but I got ME about 4 years ago. I have had to learn to pace myself and accept that things can't be as tidy as they used to be. When I am feeling ok I try and do an hours chores at least once a day then I feel great, as though I have achieved something.

I have also told my OH and son that they have to at least do the dishes and wash the worktops down. It's not a lot to ask but it helps to keep the kitchen tidy.

I've been on the flylady list and can recommend it. Plan to start with it again when I get my house back together after the building work... not long to go!

Oh! I can't wait to have an operational kitchen. It's all a long way from being completely finished, as we will have decorating and lots of finishing off tasks to do. The temporary kitchen is my work room - work at home beauty/massage/nails- will need sorting out, so I can earn some ££ to finish paying for it all! Will have to leave the wrecked garden till next year.

I leave building work till the summer. Cant cope at this time, youre very brave.

Bet you planned the work last summer. I have huge plans in the Spring, but if I dont manage to get it done before October, I forget them. And then plan some other amazing project!
MEx

I've been planning it for about 4 years!

oh dear MAtrix, - nearly done though.

The dust, noise and people invasion would drive me potty, and I bet I would upset a workman at some point.

MEx