I'm new, feel down

Hi. I'm new. Haven't been diagnosed with SAD but have been looking around and am thinking this is maybe what's wrong with me.

I'm 19 years old and this has been going on for a few years now. I'm happy during spring and summer then as soon as autumn comes it's like I just want to roll up in a ball and forget everything because I really can't be bothered.

The last few weeks have been the worst. I've been feeling so horrible but can't put my finger on why I feel this way. Nothing has happened to make me feel so down. I've been trying my hardest to tell myself that everything's OK, that nothing's wrong but I can't shake the feeling. Right now I'm at the point where I just don't know what to do and can't stand the thought of feeling like this for another few weeks, I hate it. Up until the start of this month everything was fine. But now I just feel terrible.

I feel like I want to talk to people but can't. I have a great best friend who I know would listen and I've tried talking but everytime I try to talk I just sort of switch off and want to shout. I feel like I want to hide myself away till I feel better because people seem to be making me worse but then I feel like I can't stand being alone.

And the last few days it hasn't stopped raining and I've felt like I haven't wanted to do anything. But this afternoon the weather cheered up a bit and I went for a drive with my music on and felt slightly better but then it just started raining again and argh.

I know I need to get myself to the doctors but I'm scared of telling someone about it. I don't know why. It's like I'm trying to make myself believe I'm OK, that it will all go away but I know it's not. Last night I slept so well. I went to bed at 9 and woke up at 8 but I still just feel so tired and drained. I want it to go away but don't know what to tell my doctor and don't know whether I want someone to tell me there's something wrong with me.

Does it sound like I have SAD? How do I talk to my doctor? I've not had to see my doctor in years and don't really know how to go about talking about this. It just feels hard because it's not something I can see that's wrong with me like if I had a broken bone or something.

Sorry, I'm rambling now but just want to know what's wrong.

Do you have carbohydrate cravings? Cause that is a tell-tale sign. Although, if SAD is coupled with an underlining all year round depression, this might not be so obvious.

Me x

Thanks for the replies!

I do find myself craving carbohydrates. I'm either craving them or just feel like I can't eat at all. Today I haven't had hardly anything to eat except a bit of toast. I've felt too miserable to eat.

Yep, I'm scared of my doctor not being approachable. Had a bit of a bad experience last time I went and it's made me scared about seeing him about anything, just doesn't feel like I'd get anywhere.

You're right about there being no visible signs. I've found myself thinking I wish I was ill. Obviously not anything serious, just flu or something then I'd have something visibly wrong with me and a reason for feeling this way. But there isn't a reason. My life's good, I have so much to live for and obviously don't want to die but when I'm like this it's like I can't think of anything but how I'm feeling right now so trying to think that I'm not going to feel like this all the time doesn't help. Around spring time though it's like I'm the happiest person there is. As soon as I can see sun it's like I feel as though nothing can go wrong, everything's going to be OK.

Anyway. Going to try and force myself to make an appointment with my doctor. I'm just sick of feeling like this now and want something to make it go away.

Thanks again for the replies :)

Hi Kel! First off, welcome to the site! :)

It really is a good idea to get a diagnosis (or not as the case me be!) from the Doctor as then you can go ahead with the right treatment to help you!

I remember going to my Doctor the first time and I was so scared! The only reason I went in the end was because I totally broke down on one of my friends and he made me go there and then. Cried ALOT when I was in with the Doctor but he was really understanding and after a couple months of regular appointments, I felt like he really understood.

If you've had probs with your Doctor before could you see another one?

Also, it's a really good thing that you say your life is good - means you can see the way out if you know what I mean!

Anyway, hope it all goes well and keep chatting! :) xx

Thanks again for the replies :)

I will see my doctor some time, just need to find the right time to make that first appointment. I'll see how seeing my doctor goes then if I get no joy I'll ask if I can see someone else. Sounds strange but I have no idea how I'd go about changing doctor because I've seen the same one since I was tiny.

Anyway. I'm actually feeling better today than I was yesterday. Not great but better which is good. It's been sunny and I've been at a friends house who has 2 huge windows either side of the room that let the sun in, spent the afternoon decorating their tree which seemed to cheer me up. I just don't want another day as bad as yesterday, it was so horrible.

Still haven't felt brave enough to go to the doctors yet but it's like I'm feeling worse every day and wish I could think of a way to get rid of it. The weathers been really rainy and windy, the winds making me panic and making me feel so depressed but I don't know why.

I got so down earlier and tried to talk to my parents about it. I got nowhere, it just ended in an argument. Feel like I don't know what to do with myself and still can't find the right thing to say to my doctor.

Hi Kel, sorry you're feeling so bad. I haven't been to my doctor yet either, but I have just got a light box, I thought I'd try that first. Have you got one? I've only used it for 2 days but I definitely feel more energetic. I know what you mean about feeling panicky and depressed with the weather. When I spotted the sunshine outside yesterday I actually barged past my poor mum to get out there, I felt panic-stricken in case the sun went in again. I think Paul has given very wise advice, talking about it is a good start.

I think the worse you start to feel, the harder it is to face anyone, including the doctor. That's how I feel anyway. But the more I read about SAD and other people's comments, the better I feel about things and it makes me realise I'm not alone and there's a reason for the way I feel. The's very comforting, I hope it is for you too.

Hi Kel and wellcome.Get yourself a light-box-you won't regret it.

Hi kel, hope you feel a little better soon, it really is good advice to get a lightbox, they arent cheap but if you suffer from sad, they can make a real difference to your illness.