Need to talk...

i know what you mean i feel like i live my whole winter in the dark and its very depressing you just want to go to sleep at like 4pm and not wake up till 10am the next day

Sorry you've been feeling so bad Amalthea, nobody minds you talking about how you feel on here, you should never apologise. Most people here can empathise with you. How are you feeling today?

Thank you, everyone. This morning, I'm feeling vulnerable and still panicky. PurpleIvy, it's like you said... it hit suddenly and really hard... and the panic is the fear of it. I've been trying very hard to be aware of my thought process, kind of keep on top of anything that could get out of hand. I'm angry that the SAD has such a hold on me, that I can go along thinking I'll be A-OK, and then suddenly, it's staring me straight in the face again!

Deep breathing is also helping a lot with the panic feelings. My stomach feels kind of sick though, now that I've made myself have breakfast.

Oley, night-time is so awful when I'm having bouts with the SAD.

I'm concerned about the anxiety I've had associated with SAD. I don't recall it being quite like that in previous years, but then again, in between episodes, I tell myself that I'm not going to have another round of SAD... that everything's OK. No wonder I feel shaken.

Wish me luck... I'll be the only one answering phones this afternoon at work. I think I can do it, but I've got to take good care of myself today and tonight.

Hi everyone. I get the same feelings but the evenings a better for me. the mornings I get out to the gym its the afternoon that drags. Come on Spring.

Thanks again for your posts. As I told someone else, this forum is a life-line.

And Sandy, you're exactly right. All along, I tell myself that I'm "stronger" now and it's not going to get to me anymore... And then I end up feeling panicked.

I've managed to avoid a full-on panic attack, thankfully. I've had obsessive thoughts chattering in my head all morning (I remember a post a few weeks ago where I said my head was mostly just silent - no chatter... I was just in denial!). I put on my headphones and made myself mentally sing along with the music. Lots of soothing, reassuring music... a little Christian music, too.

I have been aware of my breathing, too. I take slow, deep breaths. I know that right before a panic attack, I often just want to stare and my breathing changes. So, I'm refusing to just let it happen.

Sometimes when I start to slip into a funk, I've told myself that there's no use fighting it... to just "let it happen." Anyone else ever been at that point? Sometimes it just feels so hopeless, like it's inevitable. Thank goodness for my light therapy, or that's where I'd be right now. I have also started talking to a friend, and have admitted that my apartment is a wreck, I don't feel like going with her to activities right now, that I have been needing to go ACROSS THE STREET to the grocery store for awhile now... and that I just haven't been able to pick myself up to do this stuff. She's supportive, and I am so thankful for her. She's offered to help, but I don't think I'm low enough that I can't do these things... Just that I desperately need to crash and sleep for however many hours it takes before I can try to take on the world again, one little thing at a time.

Hi amalthea, I hope you feel better soon. I know it is tuff to do things. I haven't cleaned in 3 weeks needs to be done but don't feel like it. Thank God for Hubby.

I don't work I am a homemaker. I think your boss would understand. I don't know about the desk lamps I have a daylight from the USA. it is big. So that would be no good for work.

lookes like a good one to me and it doesn't cost alot.

its okay to tear up but bosses do understand over 45 million people have sad. glad to here you will have a desk lamp to help you through the day.

I'm glad to hear you're getting a new lamp soon, Ivy! It's a shame they couldn't have returned your old lamp to you from the hotel. Definitely a real worry for me, should I travel with a lamp in the future!

I'm awake at 1:30am (my time). I came home and went straight to bed. I woke up with a sore throat, stuffy head. I am feeling a bit better, SAD-wise. I think most of the lingering feeling is just fear. I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

I don't want to be fearful about SAD, but I don't want to be in denial, either. I remember when I was out in the woods when I had my first bout with SAD this year -- intense loneliness and panic/fear. It was actually the fear of how I felt that perpetuated the panic attacks... when you have one, you fear having another and it becomes almost inevitable unless you break the cycle.

I've had asthma since I was born, and you'd think I'd have some fear of the next attack. I don't, really. I wish I knew why I don't feel the same way about SAD. I've had SAD since I was about 13... but I learned the diagnosis, either when I was in college... Yes, I think in 2000.

Maybe I'm still not thinking quite clearly. Is anyone here not afraid of their symptoms? I don't want to tempt the "panic attack" cycle. I think I'm going back to bed for now.

Glad to hear you anxiety is gone. You need to keep your mind on other things so it doesn't come back and when it does breath deep and think of other things. That is what helps me.

I know I went to the doctors and she said that I could also have bipolar. that wasn't very good. Just because I get down the winter and happy in the spring and summer. she says I am to happy but who wouldn't be with the warm weather and the sun shinning

Whew... a few days time and a little self-care makes a tremendous difference.

Sleep was almost luxurious last night... I really needed it terribly.

I decided that giving myself some time around the house this morning to make a little progress would make me feel loads better about trying to go out. I said I didn't have to leave the house until noon... which is 30 minutes from now.

I filled the bird-feeder and watched some birds while I watched a show on TV for a bit.

I took my arthritis medication early this morning so I wasn't sitting around and aching. Breakfast was a new twist... some wholegrain waffles with strawberry yogurt. I was full!

I decided to take my housework tasks just a little at a time. I'd planned just to do a load of dishes. I put on some music. One load of dishes made the kitchen look tons better... I decided I actually felt like cleaning off the counters too. Hrm... much better!

Played around on the computer a bit and then decided I'd feel loads better if I vaccuumed. Just the bedroom, since that's where the vac was last. I'd do the rest when I got home. But I kept on going.

Still time to kill... hrm... more mucking around on the computer (actually, this is good for me, as my SAD light is my computer desk lamp). I posted my food journal on another website and then felt like I ought to try to do a little exercise. 10 sit-ups, 10 each of weighted arm exercises.

So, here I am... and the best thing I can do is hurry up and order my light for my desk at work (paid some bills on the computer and figured out I can take money from my "emergency" fund). There's actually some sunlight out there right now, so I'm aching to get out.

I can't tell you how good this feels... It's reassuring, to say the very least. And that's a major understatement!

Thank you, everyone.

Hi Amalthea, its brilliant how you are coping, keep up the good work.

Amalthea I am in Ontario just near buffalo NY. it is freezing rain now not much snow last night but more on the way. Get to church and home okay take care good luck.

just to let you know we got a foot and ahalf of snow and there is still more coming down.

If you look at weathernet.com and go to southern Ontario you will see all the snow we are getting. I have used the snowblower twice today. Everytime the plow goes by I have to do the end of the driveway again so hubby can get in when he gets home from work.

Amalthea.......sorry I was meant to ask how you are doing? Hope you are ok. It feels like the worse thing ever when you are feeling so low. I call it a SAD attack when I am not managing to function due to SAD. The thing with sad is that nobody can see how you are feeling on the inside which makes it difficult to express.Its good if you have understanding people close to you. Take care x

Yes I agree, exercise helps alot. I love it when I have had a good run! Usually at least half an hour - 1 hour but I do have exercise induced asthma too so inhalers are a must lol! I'm afraid with me, I need the summer sun to make me feel like old self. Our winter sun doesn't feel that warm for some reason I can't explain??? Maybe I just hate the cold so much it makes me very sad and tearful.

My problem is I don't get out enough in the winter daytime. Probably due to going to work in the dark then driving home in the dark. Theres not enough light where I work. Nevermind....roll on the spring!

Amalthea Smart thing to do while you still have good judgement.If everything else isn't working than you have to do something.