Could I Have SAD?

I think that I could have SAD. However, I get much better in the winter and then I get very depressed in the summer. I'm thirteen years old, and instead of eagerly anticipating summer like most people my age, I find myself absolutely dreading it.

This started about three summers ago. Starting around May when I was 10, I started feeling very tired, not wanting to do anything, and just generally not liking my life. I didn't tell anyone about how I felt, but my mom asked me on several occasions if I was feeling okay. Then around Ocotber-ish (when the weather where I live started getting much cooler and the days got shorter), it seemed as if I was magically better. The next summer the same thing happened, only it was slightly worse, and again, I got better around October.

Then the next summer came. I started experiencing terrible panic attacks that seemed to come out of the blue in about mid March, and the doctor referred me to a psychologist, and I was diagnosed with panic disorder within two weeks. My family and I did not like the psychologist at all though (for reasons I will not go into), and so I stopped seeing her. I told my parents that I could deal with the panic attacks myself, even though I doubted this. Anyway, then a few weeks later, I became more depressed than I had ever felt. I literally had a stomachache almost constantly, and I essentially hated myself, and I felt guilty because I knew that my life was so easy compared to others. It was about June at this time, and I started cutting myself because I was just plain miserable. My parents noticed the marks on my arms and immediately took me to another psychologist that I love and am still with. Anyway, we kept trying to stop my self-injuring, but nothing was helping and I was still feeling depressed. Once again, around October, I felt so much better and I stopped cutting within a week or two. It seems somewhat odd to me that nothing worked for months, and then as soon as the weather got colder and the days became shorter, I felt perfectly fine. I've continued to be fine until now, when summer is rapidly approaching. In this past week I've started feeling as bad as I did last summer, and all the physical aches and pains are starting again as well.

Please tell me if I could have this or not...

Hi there

It is so upsetting to read what you have been going through. I am so glad that you are not going through this alone and your parents realise how difficult things are. Do you know why you cut yourself? What goes through your mind when you are doing this? Are you doing it to punish yourself or does it give you a sense of relief when you have done it? I am sure these are all questions your pyschologist has asked you and maybe you haven't been able to answer. I have a friend whose daughter is 14 years old. She is popular, intelligent, absolutely beautiful and has friends and family who love her very much. She has cut herself in the past and has never been able to explain to anyone why she has done this. Sometimes there just isn't an obvious answer. What's important is that you deal with the way you are feeling and get the help and support you need.

It is always good to look for the reasons why we feel depressed and explore different avenues but these need to be done with the support of your family. I don't think that you should do anything or take on any advice without your parents knowing. This is a safeguard for you, to protect you from harm and things that could make your situation worse.

You are always welcome here on the forum, people will help you all they can but you really must make sure your parents know this is an avenue you are looking into.

Finally, yes there are people who suffer from seasonal depression and it is summer that is there bad time. You are not alone and people do understand what you are going through.

Keep in touch and stay positive, i'm sure it will come right in the end.

Take care and lots of hugs

Hello,

there are definitely cases of people with summer sad and this is touched on a little bit with Norman Rosenthals book winter blues. It is not something I feel able to expand on as I definitely of the 'winter variety'.
I suppose I wonder if there are any issues with social phobias, self image e.t.c as summer is certainly a more social time and we normally expose ourselves more both in social and physical terms. People I know who cut normally do so due to self image or to release intense emotional pain although it sounds as though you are looking into this with a psychologist.
Not sure if this helps at all!!