Driving me mad

Feel like I'm going crazy. I can't stop feeling so bad... I can't put my finger on it, I think it's one thing, then it's another, then it seems like everything, then all of a sudden I feel a bit better and it all seems pointless. I can't stop thinking and it just makes me want to burst out crying all the time.

The only time this really gets to me is when I'm on my own, i just want to be around my friends and bf all the time.

I don't know if this is SAD, but it's also that time of the month and the same thing happened last month I think it just makes it worse. I feel so horrible that for the first time in ages I just wish I was dead to stop feeling like this.

There's nothing wrong with anything current in my life, and I keep thinking about the past and all the mistakes I've made and it makes me feel sick I just wish I could wipe my memory of it all it's driving me crazy, I can't get rid of these thoughts. I should be concentrating on my future but everytime I feel better something that someone says, or a song, reminds me of my past and it just keeps haunting me.

Do any of you ever get these horrible feelings of regret, guilt and feeling ashamed?

:(

Hi Joeybear.
This is partly the problem I have every Winter too, things playing on my mind every few minutes. Things usually feel slightly better during the day but as soon as it gets dark, the panic sets in. I also feel that I can't escape as every thing I see reminds me, adverts, television, music. I want to turn everything off but then the silence makes my mind work faster. 4 years ago, I really could not be left alone, even to go upstairs to the toilet made me feel ill, so I know what you are going through there. The year after that and last year were no where near as bad. I suffer from depression anyway but always feel very much worse in the Winter. This year, however, was really bad again. I know now that is it not going to last forever as I have it ever year but even that thought was not helping me. Strangly enough, this time, although I didn't want to be left alone, whenever I had people around me I felt worse and would just start crying uncontrollably. As you said, I have no real problems in my life at the moment, except M.E and having no money but these are things I have learned to live with. In fact, I would say this is the happiest time of my life. I have all I have ever wanted. It may sound really silly but my dream has always been to have a boyfriend who gets on with my parents. I have finally reached that stage. Unfortunately, whilst sitting sharing a lovely meal, watching the TV on Saturday night last week with boyfriend, Mum and step-dad, I had to leave the room. I felt sick, I was shaking, sweating and crying because I suddenly realised, I was happy and had everything I ever really wanted. This means my problems are going to mess it up because I am never allowed to be happy for long ... something always has to ruin it, everytime.
I am not completey pessimistic, just unlucky. I kept telling myself that I might as well enjoy it while it lasts instead of wasting it, but it doesn't always work. I have never been able to discuss the things that are worrying me and never will. One day, I know it will all sort itself out but as Siddy said, I always shrug it off in the Summer, it's never such a big deal. In fact, I could go as far as to say "Oh well"!!!!
As a glimmer of hope for you, even though I had convinced myself, I was not going to get over it this time, the panic IS starting to ware off. Are you on any meds????? I have been on Sertraline for 8 years but my doctor changed me over to Seroxat. She told me they could take up to a month to really kick in but I think they have started after 10 days-ish. My Mum commented today that I seem so much better. I told her that I don't really want to talk about it at the momment as I think, if I get too excited about feeling better, it will all come back.
I hope this has helped. I do know what you are talking about and it's bloody scary stuff but it WILL GO AWAY
Lots of love to you and keep yer chin up girl (as my mum always says)
:D

hey joeybear,

don't worry hun, I'm always feeling like that, my light box is my best friend at the moment! My other friends just seem to make me realise how alone i feel, my boyfriend is great but just doesn't understand how i feel, when you try and explain to people they just think that your trying to make excuses for the way you behave. And feeling guilty moody and upset is the only way i seem to feel most of the time! But sad really is a problem, just try andremember that spring is nearly here. Good luck you will learn to manage it! :D