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AMESS
joined 11 Dec 2005
1 posts

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Posted by AMESS, 20:14 11 December 2005

Where the hell do I start? thats the question currently pondering my brain? I am currently a 22 year old male who is reasonably good looking, I have a good job and know that achieving things in life can be done.

HOWEVER..............

Over the past few years I have had so many problems it is untrue, I am still not sure where to start. My life seemed so complete when i was about 14 or 15 I was succeeding at school, my judo career was fantastic as well as the ability to make friends was fantastic. Then somewhere down the line this has all gone the complete opposite. I had a girlfriend from the age of 15 to 21 years, things went well I suppose but when I was around 17 I decided that I no longer wanted to be with her, my stupidity told me the easiest way to get rid of her was to cheat and then tell her. This I did and then regreted it severly for a period anyway, we finally got back together and expectedly found that this incident had changed so much, her dad hated me things were never the same. Anyway in 2000 I was offered a good job within the town I live, again in September I accepted, dumped her once again. After working for a period of 3 weeks I had decided this was not what I wanted and left to go to University 300 miles away, I made some friends at this time but missed her or thought I did.

My time at University was fulfilling sometimes and other times felt like the most lonely time ever. THE ABILITY TO CONNECT TO PEOPLE seems to largely affect my mood, state of depression etc. When I felt as though I was connecting to people things were good, when I wasnt i would hate myself. The weird thing is that I had periods of extreme anxiety, specially in the winter time, I would have a dodgey stomach and think I was dying, lay in bed for hours and not socialise, drink excessivly.

A year ago my anxiety was so bad I came home from uni a had a year out, during this year outI become even more depressive, suicidal still with my girlfriend when December came we went out for her birthday and I got drunk, still fearing her connection with others was a million times better than mine I got mad left and never saw her again. My anxiety and depression worsened, thinking I had every type of mental health issue going, of course it wasnt the case.

Then something snapped, I had gone from rock bottom to sorting myself out, I become sociable, likeable, confident, happy, full of life. It was then when I met my new girlfriend, life could not get any better. I was living with a friend in the summer. it felt as though my life was complete free as a bird I could not believe it. NO ANXIETY, NO DEPRESSION excellent.

Anyway my parents and I still did not get along. They did however ask me to move back in with my new girlfriend which i did after knowing her for only 4 months, we were however happy.

What has happened now is that Iam struck with awful anxiety again, cant concentrate, worry excessivly about her leaving me and think I have SAD, last night we went out and it happened again I was beating myself up over this connection thing. I cant socialise at the moment, full of depression and anxiety all the time. Life is a mess again and if only things could get better. why me? why is my head such a mess? I cant cope at all and iam convinced the peoplearound me cant either.

THANKS FOR READINGTHIS POST, upon reflection I am sure there are people out there in a lot worse situation than me. Any help however would bemuchly appreciated. THANKS

siddy
joined 22 Jan 2003
674 posts

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Posted by siddy, 07:57 12 December 2005

Hello

Firstly I wanted to tell you that if I was the girls father you wouldn't get back in my house and there wouldn't be any doubt that I didn't like you :evil: 8) !!

Stepping back from my reaction............. a lot of people including myself make silly mistakes and act in awful ways to other people because they are a mess but you have to draw a line under past mistakes and start again, life is for experiencing and learning. You are going to have to be honest with current partner and explain how you are feeling. You need to go to a doctor and talk about this issue and try and get some support. Can you talk to your parents about this and try and clear the air?

I do suggest that you read Norman Rosenthals 'Winter blues' as an all round understanding of sad and how it affects people. If you have sad it is best to gain a fuller understanding of the condition and how it affects you so that you can work out a regime of self help. Start a brief diary of moods, weather and experiences and if you have sad the next winter will follow a similar pattern.

Try and 'take it easy' do as little as possible and give yourself time to look at what's going on for you,#

best wishes

Julie in Sussex
joined 21 Jan 2003
541 posts

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Posted by Julie in Sussex, 20:32 12 December 2005

Hi "reasonably good looking" ... I suffer from SAD, amongst other things, and I have no self esteem at all.....

gailx
joined 4 Sep 2005
17 posts

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Posted by gailx, 02:44 13 December 2005

Hi Amess...

Sorry about your girlfriend issues... regarding the first one and being a girl, you nodoubt you broke her heart and so her family would be there to clean up the mess... and thats why her dad wouldnt be too pleased with you, he would have spent nights after nights with the kleenex out and hugs for his girl, whislt she broke her heart, on his shoulder. He wouldnt be too pleased at anyone who hurt his family and thats why hes wasnt so happy for seing you. And thats what siddy is getting at.... when hes said you wouldnt get in the front door....

Regarding your mood swings it sounds like you could have SAD but as siddy says you'd need to go and see your doctor.... try getting the SAD lights as they do work for most of us..

However some of us we still become withdrawn, anxiety ridden and all the rest of the crap that goes with this disorder... Its learning to cope and try to do the things that help make you feel better. And not to beat yourself up if you having a tough time. One of the issues SAD disorder brings is that normal things become a big deal....

Try and take time out for you.... buy some relaxation tapes and listen too them till you are bord stupid.. and when you are bord stupid you must be getting better....

Go a bit easier on the girlfriends... and just a tip from a chick whos been around for a while.. There are two pretty bad ways of hurting someone. The second is cheating on them, and the first is cheating on them with their best mate or sister...

There is much less damage if you just turn around and say, 'hey sorry I dont love you anymore...' The couple of guys I have spilt up with that did that, I became friends with in time and got over it much easier. The odd one who cheated on me.... well, like what was his name....? Apart from the hate it causes and anger....

I was engaged to one who cheated on me.. I lost about two stone and was a mess for about six months....

I hope things work out for you, and uni can be stressful... rest, relax and see your doctor. It will all come back to normal in time.

Good luck,
Love Gailx

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