Interesting description...

On Monday night the mr and me ended up having a bit of a deep and meaningful. He said he just doesn't know how much of me not always helping around the house (in winter) is SAD and how much is 'lazy'. I did point out that the 'laziness' is actually attributable to SAD.
Anyway, I was trying to explain how SAD feels. I haven't been incredibly successful at this because over the last 2 years symptoms have been mild and I'd forgotten much of the worst and dismissed it as little more than a dream.

... so this year when the mr has been made redundant and now has a new job with strange and variable hours I have no routine and so have been struggling a bit. (I found it very easy to follow a routine when I had someone elses routine to copy / steal). So I tried to explain how it feels from my point of view and I wondered if any of you felt like this or thought it was useful description.

If my life is a file (or even a filing cabinet / shelf of files... just so you can visualise how busy and exciting my life is!) anyway, if my life is a file, it has dividers, it is colour coded and beautifully organised (to a given value of 'organised'). It is cross referenced and everything I need is stored there and I can lay my hand on any information. If I have 5 jobs to do I organise the tasks and I can do all five, chopping and changing them to fit the time I have.

With SAD it's like the folder, dividers, colour coding and cross referencing have all gone. I didn't move them and no one else did so it's very frustrating to know that it was all sorted and now it's not. I have a jumble of papers and none of them are in the right order. I think some of them are missing but I'm not sure and I don't know which ones. If I have 4 jobs to do I worry about them because I can't find them all in my heap of paper and I'm not sure what 2 of them are. I end up getting 1 and 2 thirds of the 4 jobs done.

At the risk of sounding like an idiot I explained that my logic seems to malfunction. I can't split jobs up.
So for example, there are 4 jobs to do
1. a load of clothes to be washed
2. dishes to be washed, dried and put away
3. bathroom to clean
4. hoover and tidy bedroom

When I don't have SAD I put the clothes in the washing machine and turn it on, wash the dishes and stack them on the drainer, go upstairs and clean the bathroom and sort the bedroom - then I come downstairs and have a brew, put the dishes away and then hang out the washing. Roughly 1 hour to finish 4 tasks

In SAD season, I forget to bring the clothes downstairs. I fill the sink with hot water and then go and clean the bathroom. Then I bring the clothes downstairs and put them in the machine, put the soap in but forget to turn it on. Then I realise that the dish water is cold so empty it out and refill the sink. Do half the dishes and then go and tidy the bedroom. Then I come downstairs and realise the washing machine isn't on so switch it on. Do the other half of the dishes. Have a cup of tea. 6 hours later and I've done 1 complete job and sort of started the others. The mr comes home and asks why didn't I put the dishes away and it's been a lovely day if only I'd have hung the clothes out. And I feel rubbish because I know I can do better... And the above only happens if I can convince myself to get off the settee and stop watching crappy tv.

One of the most irritating things is that I remember being capable. I remember being able to cope with more than one thing at once.

I friend of mine says that I have 'an appalling memory'... because I remember EVERYTHING. Which is kind of true. I remember things that happened when I was 3, I remember conversations and all kinds of random event but I can't remember that I put a load of washing in and it needs hanging out to dry.
My brain doesn't check with other parts of my brain, for example I was looking for a particular notebook and I looked in all of the places I might have put it getting increasingly frustrated because I remembered having it but had no notion of where. Then it was like... Well it was like someone helping you look for something asking "what are we looking for?" (after 20 minutes of looking)... "my turquoise notebook"... "oh you should have said, it's in that black bag downstairs" - except that whole exchange took place in my own head. I knew where the damn thing was but that particular part of my brain hadn't check with the rest what we were actually doing.

It's so annoying to know that you are you and then when the SAD kicks in you get wrapped in fluff and bits seem to be taken away and replaced with fluff.

I got really excited about the file description because I could tag all sorts of things onto it like...

I suspect I KNOW how to organise it but I can't remember and I don't know where to start

Whole pages are missing or half a page is gone but it's the first half so the 2nd half makes no sense.

You want to find who messed it all up... but no one did, not even you.

anyway, I'm started to burble now and just say the same things over...

:) amy

Hi Donna and Bright one

man its so good to hear that Im not the only one on the face of the plannet wondering what day it is, last week I lost a day, thought it was saterday and it was Frieday, talk about forgetting things.

Im going through the usual ignorant people at the DWP who seem to think its great fun to write sacastic little renmarks to someone that might just explode. I was supposedly have a appeal about a wonderfull DM sometime when my doc wrote to them and they got evidence of the SAD, but in there wisdom they want ahead and rulled I have no such SAD and its more or less in my imagination. What kind of creeps work for the government these days. man Im rambling here :o :o :o

But I ran the Bath poured in some lavender and patulie oil laid in it, relaxed and thought they are all sicker them me. :D :D :D

Had a pysio therpist here this week about my repetative strain at 10am in the morning.. not a good time for a SAD person. man I was really Mr Gumpy :arrow: :?: :!: :roll: :x :o

I think she was glad to get out of the house, never seen anyone move so fast :shock:

Yes folks its that time of year again, when normal people go loonie :roll: :shock: :D :twisted:

Hopeing my doc will give me a sick note till april next year then I can get the Hitlers at the DWP of my back (sorry if anyone works there, you are not all like that, just the odd few I meet)

I was just thinking don't seem to be many guys out there using the forum, come on guys I know you lurking, come and let of steam :oops:

Opps im doing a Bright one and rambling away like a demented fool :shock:

Just remember April is just round the corner! Please pref next week :D

... oh and Donna, are you sure you have SAD? You really are a ray of sunshine you're so upbeat (despite having a bad day) keep it up...

You go girl!!

:D :D :D You like the cheesy American chat show moment? :D :D :D

a

Bead work... fantastic. I remember my first couple of pieces. Oh lordy when you get it wrong having patiently threaded teeny tiny beads it really is annoying but having said that the pieces I've completed are lovely. Mind you they're only small. I had a plan to do a big one but was trying to decide whether I should get my friend to build me a custom loom (to fit bigger widths) or make panels and piece them together OR just try a different technique. But then the place I got my beads from closed down and I never sorted anything out.

2 degrees in 4 years, you really are a loony!
I managed 1 in 3 and struggled with that because the majority of the academic year takes place in SAD season. When I came to revise for exams I was looking at notes in my handwriting that I only had a distant memory of writing.

the mr loves it best when I take the piss out of myself and SAD, he says he knows that I'm doing alright if I can laugh at it. It's when everything makes me cry... and I mean everything e.g. "I've got odd socks on... oh no.. I really am useless I can't even match my sock... sniffle sniffle, sob, sob ...full on bawling with snot ensemble" If the fact that I've knocked something over (I'm clumsy anyway but often seem more so at this time of year) makes me cry I'm in a bad way... if I can just say "oh sod, look at that... hey ho" then I'm ok.

Actually I think that's one reason I'm drawn to fiddly stuff like knitting and beadwork, because it takes patience and care and I think it proves to me that the clumsiness is a small thing in comparison to my ability to create tiny and precise things without a hint of clumsiness!

ttfn
a

Hmm, Prince Charles you say...

I work for the Prince... indirectly and I've never heard any hints or rumours but then again he can pop off to brighter (sunny or snowy) climates and so probably wouldn't know if he had SAD. Having said that we don't get any royal gossip at all.

Oh well my brain doesn't work either. I think I might start making lists, the only thing that worries me is that I'll then go beating myself up about not doing the things on the lists! :?

I should get back to making jewellery, I find it very calming when it goes well. I make silver jewellery instead of beadwork (I haven't the patience for beadwork, I end up dropping them everywhere). I do sell a little bit of it through one source and had grandiose plans to start up a business properly this year. Everyone's been saying 'why don't you do Christmas markets' and I am just too untogether to get the work done, nor do i fancy doing the selling when I'm feeling this low.

Oh well, I just feel I'm whingeing here. I am feeling particularly loony at the moment, as I had a very bad weekend when I kept bursting into tears. Think I've got PMS as well at the moment, so it will probably be a bit better in a couple of days. I think I'll go and buy some choccy (Green & Black is my drug of choice).

Lorraine

The secret with the lists is not to beat yourself up or be unrealistic. The first thing on my list everyday is 'lightbox'. That's absolutely obligatory, compulsary and must be done. After that I write on things that I know I should do but I have no qualms about replacing them changing them or writing things down after I've done them.

The whole point of my list is to make me feel good that I have managed to achieve something. It isn't a guilt exercise nor is it to force me to do things. I find the list works for me because I like the sense of achievement.

In winter you have to remember to be proud of the little things. My brain can't cope with contemplating the BIG things so I chop life up into little achieveable chunks. So doing the dishes gets a tick. If later on when I'm making a cup of tea I put the dishes away whilst the kettle is boiling then I get to write that down and put a tick after it straight away.

Bright One is actually a 'sort of' nickname I acquired from a place of work. There were 2 of us called Amy so I became known as Amy- 'the Bright One' and she was Amy -'the Smith one' (surnames you see). It arose naturally out of conversations e.g.
"I was talking to Amy..."
"Which one?"
"The Smith one"

Hi you equally bewildered lot!

Must admit, I viewed Monday with suspicion .... son number two began his Christmas school break, the usual fast a furious routine of beginning our days at 06.30am and the rest of the day piling in on top of itself, became a thing of yesterday. And, as sure as God made little green apples, I am in a twilight zone today.

It's true, I usually have a SAD peak in October during half term and again in February's half term. Routine being non existent. I loathe this feeling of being blobby, remote, removed and futile. Wouldn't know what time of day it is, let alone day of the week. No drive, no thought processing, no capacity for anything except sleep. I even look drawn and grey.

At the end of the day, it is actually that my light fixing routine is shot. If I keep that routine and it's trigger sensitive timing going, everything else seems to latch on and take care of itself. But, it is so hard to take that personal wedge out of everyone else's day, let alone rustle up the personal discipline required from someone who feels they don't give a damn about a thing....

Jumbled Julie :(

Hi Julie

Sorry to hear how you feel, hope it helps to know that I also have a very bad time of it during the half terms. I find that if I organise days out as much as possible this helps take my mind off it.

I feel as you do during these winter half-terms and worry how I will manage.

Christmas holidays start tomorrow for us and I am already organising next weeks days out as though I won't have enough to do.

I think the worst thing is, you feel so lazy but you need to keep a routine to stop yourself feeling cut off.

Any change in routine makes me feel like this, are you lot the same ?

Sue

Somehow the long light warm summer evenings and the early sunrises make everything seem so much easier to sort out, yeah?

Its a relief to know I'm not the only one who finds things hard to think about in the winter.

Yesterday at work in the shop, people kept asking me questions, and I ended up stuttering and thinking for a few moments before I remembered what the question was in the first place and what the answer was.

Anyway. Isn't it just a relief to know you're not the only one who feels like this? At the same time you feel bad, cos you wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone?

Tough one.