Spouse Doesn't Understand....

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mime4jesus
joined 17 Feb 2006
12 posts

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Posted by mime4jesus, 17:23 2 March 2006

Has anyone else here had problems with their significant other not understanding their condition? Or seeming like they don't want to? My husband and I recently had a falling out because of something that happened with his mother. I tried leaving information for him to read and he just got more upset with me. I bought Winter Blues, and it's sitting downstairs just waiting for him to read. It's so hard to get through this when the one person I need to be supporting me isn't. Plus I know that if he did understand it would help him too. He's getting upset with these little annoying things I've been doing and I know that it's just part of my SAD. I want to talk to him, but this situation with his mother is very sensitive and I know that at this point in time I can't deal with another major blowout.... Any advice?

clive ghosh
joined 23 Jan 2006
104 posts

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Posted by clive ghosh, 09:38 3 March 2006

Hi

Your situation is familiar to me inasmuch that I have a partner who seems to not want to know. No questions, no comments, no interest....indeed monumental indifference best describes it.

Tackling the issue of SAD on my own - save for the invaluable support on this forum - has been lonely, but with time, as I have consolidated issues in my mind, I have made major gains in confidence and outlook.

However, armed with this new modus vivendi, I now find myself questioning the validity of this already delicate relationship I am in, in part because of the hurt I feel.

Failure to communicate is a weakness in my situation, so perhaps the only advice I can offer is keep talking come what may.

I hope spring sees your problem resolved

clive

Royston
joined 3 Mar 2006
25 posts

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Posted by Royston, 14:41 3 March 2006

I'm so pleased to hear someone talking about their partners. I'm very new to this sharing stuff and I've felt very alone since the new year. I live with my partner and she's been really supportive in past years and it's not been too bad for me. This year though she's had tough times of her own with her parents splitting up and I've been left to get on with it. We've also had problems with my mum and dad. The three of them don't get on at all and it breaks my heart. I've suffered with SAD for sometime and I've been aware of it for around 6 years now so I'm getting quite good at handling it and getting by. I have less 'bad days' now, but that's only through the support of my family and of my missus - it's hard trying to impress someone when all you can do is cry at them!!
I'm at my total wits end now though. I've been pushed so far away cause everybody's got their own problems to deal with. I'm so lonely. I have'nt felt this bad in a long time. i cannot talk to anyone cause they're not interested in me moaning about nothing important. My missus is just bulldozing me around from pillar to post and I hate her for it. I haven't the effort in me to stick up for myself or family.
In essence;
I'm getting married in June and I hate my bride. Thing is, I KNOW I will be OK in a couple of months, but I've still cried myself 3 times this week. What a great way for a 25yr old to act! I hurt so much and I don't know what to do

sal2612
joined 27 Aug 2004
63 posts

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Posted by sal2612, 18:07 7 March 2006

I understand the difficulties from all of the above, even though my problems are slightly different. I have now been in a serious relationship since november (not long i know but it's looking promising for the future).

From the start I told him about my SAD and got him to read the appropriate chapters in the winter blues ( :!: TIP :!: - there's a couple of chapters that are most appropriate for partners to read, eg 'how friends + relatives can help' - postit them so it's less daunting for them to traul through!). Anyway, he's read it and says he is trying to help me but he is going about it in completely the wrong way. When I say I'm feeling down because it's been gray for days he says "I'm not going to accept that you cant fight it - you're stronger than that" - which just makes me feel like a failure. I am fighting it and I am (with the help of my light box) doing fairly well but it does still affect me. He wont accept this though and keeps saying 'you shouldnt be like that - you should be happy'.

I also understand about it being hard to deal when everyone around you has their own problems. My housemates are struggling with their work for their degrees, my friend is greiving the death of a relative, one housemate is suffering from depression (but mixed in with general attention seeking and spoilt-brat syndrome!) and my partner is very stressed over money issues.

I have always been the strong one out of my friends but I am feeling weak at the moment and cant be coping with their problems as well as my own!!!!!

Sorry for the rant, just had to get it all out to someone!

Hostage
joined 25 Feb 2006
13 posts

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Posted by Hostage, 19:04 7 March 2006

Hi,

In terms of practical advice, I can add little to the suggestions of education and communication made above. Understanding precedes acceptance and growth.

That said, I haven't applied this advice in my own relationship and have distanced myself from my girlfriend.

Hope it works out for you all.

Martin

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