brick wall

Hi Amy ~ sorry the sympathy has taken so much time to produce, but here is it, in abundance.

It would have come sooner, but am also physically and emotionally all messed up. All the good intentions do still seem to get formulated, but no energy to put them into action. Remember your lightbox will kick in soon and help to get you out of your pit, but then there is the reality of trying to keep that up despite life in general and a job ~ you were understandably really anxious about that Steering Committee Meeting, really hope you coped ok ~ when push comes to shove though I have found if it is serious and frightening enough the good old adrenalin can get me through the odd 30 minutes, though I collapse like a house of cards immediately afterwards. Do you use a computer at work, could you use a lightbox there at the same time? Have you been to get a diagnosis, or did you opt not to in the end? I’d understand it either way having been to the Dr and failed to get him to understand, the most frustrating part of the whole event was that I could see from the very beginning that I knew more on the subject of sad than he did, and it just became a foregone conclusion that he would again (annual autumnal event you appreciate!) write out a prescription and say ‘see me in a month’……… Other readers please don’t misunderstand here, medication can most certainly help a great number of people, as can exercise, diet, a strict personal routine of getting up at a regular time, St Johns Wort, Light Therapy, etc. but I happen to be one of those people who just gets more numb and out of it with medication…

This year I have been simply hopeless with my lightbox and keep on messing things up, but when I am feeling ok’ish it doesn’t seem possible that just missing my box for 2 consecutive days can have such a powerful impact. We’ve been seriously busy for a couple of weekends and as a result I have missed 2 lots of 2 consecutive days and by Tuesday I’m in my black treacle-like swamp again. It then takes a good 4 days to get vaguely back on track. It has been a really tough autumn so far I have to say. It must be really challenging to the extreme when suffering from sad for you to have to get up extra early to use a lightbox, so well done you on managing, I can’t. As a result, it’s 3.30pm and here I sit in front of my computer with my satellite on top of it on a computer tray top and I have only just done my first 30 minutes. And I do know how important it is to get good light time before say 10.30am, but again, there was just too much to accomplish. So am working on the theory that late light is better than no light at all. But, I must get my act together or this will continue to happen all winter.

Maybe today is be a bit better for you Amy, hope so. Sun’s shining brilliantly here, sky is blue, trees going all shades of bright gold, something tells me we should feel on top of the world, hmmph……

All good wishes to all those who feel sad @ present………. Julie

Hi Amy ~ empathising with you again, I’m having a really limp lethargic day, but I know I am not alone! You, and many others, are out there too! If SAD can score as bad as 10, I am scoring 5/10, so it has been heaps worse, but I’m pointless and feel blobby. Without getting a proper light routine sorted out there is still that missing edge or sharpness about how one feels, and basically I have not nearly got it sorted out. I have promised myself that starting tomorrow, absolutely everything goes ‘on hold’ until I have had one hour of light + a bowl of fresh fruit salad. As I decided that I feel more or less like a bubble in a fish tank I began to wonder how you are doing and decided that I would ‘post’ instead of just think. You might not yet be beginning to feel on the up, but tomorrow could see the start, judging by when you posted that you had sunk.

SAD makes me convinced that I am very conspicuous in my psychological misfit-type socially withdrawn state, when out I actually wonder why people aren’t staring, I feel so odd. But strangely, even up to 7/10 on the SAD ladder, I seem to have tiny little light of optimism at the end of this SAD tunnel, always believing that tomorrow will be better. Needless to say there have been a lot of disappointments, but it doesn’t mean that tomorrow won’t be better!

Unusually too today, I am not under pressure to get things done, the folks @ home being here there and everywhere doing other things, not needing feeding/clothes/a sounding board/mothering/taxiing/or piles of paperwork sorting/or returning home with huge teenage friends with equally enormous trainers all dumped by the front door and needing food, so I am not being driven by the back up force of life’s little pressures which can often be enough to at least curb my constant napping and nibbling. A little pressure in life seems important. Flopping on the sofa, ambling to the garden bench in search of sunlight, then dragging myself back up to bed via the SAD forum and the fridge (!) are my only achievements today………

Well, that was a ramble, but other ‘not sure if it’s SAD’ souls might identify with some of the symptoms and be introduced to possible remedies. And for those who know they are SAD people, you will appreciate that there are a lot of us about, and we are out here at this very moment.

Oldhippy's right, relax until your box kicks in! Julie

Well, the days are getting better. I'm settling into a routine and my friends and family find it amusing that I get up and knit in front of my light box (for some reason a 25 year old knitting is wierd). The knitting has a 3 fold reason behind it:
1. I have to sit in the same place and can't fidget and decide that other jobs (usually not with my light box) are more important.
2. My head is tilted down in just such a way that the light seems to get to my eyes just right.
3. I'll have a big woolly winter cardigan to show for my efforts
oh and a bonus 4th reason when I knit (particularly in the evening) I can't binge on carbs because the wool would get really manky.

The Mr is soooo wonderful and nags me to use my box, on Sunday he brought it up to the bedroom, which the cat thought was wonderful (Reg loves the heat the light box gives off and either sits on top of it or in front of it with his face towards it, eyes shut clearly believing that it is marvellous portable sunshine!)

Anyway I have my lightbox next to me as I type and I'm hoping that I can get the rest of the winter in hand. I've done really well the past 2 winters and I think I was a bit complacent. I didn't get my box out and then I was a conferences for 2 lots of Thursdays and Fridays and didn't get to see even so much as peep of sunshine because I went from hotel room to conference (windowless dungeon) and then it was dark.

Must go.

Thank you all. and hippy... wow Russian Steppes... what an image. My office feels that cold at the moment.

speak to you all soon

thank you
amy

Hi Sue,

I decided to be very open minded about the lightbox and for me it is perfect and has an amazing affect on my ability to live with SAD. I suffer from tiredness but once I'm in my routine this only kicks in when the sun starts to go down (about 4.30) but I can maintain energy levels for a bit longer by watching what I eat.

My lightbox has been a wonderful investment and I would urge anyone with (or suspecting they have) SAD to try one. It takes a while to get used to the routine and also to figure out your minimum and maximum levels. I can cope on a quick 15-30 minute fix but I can only do that for a day or two I really need 30+mins every morning when I first get up and I sometime top that up at work with my travel light box.

The lightbox is most effective for me the sooner I use it i.e. as soon as I wake up. I guess i have to get the serotonin kicking in asap otherwise my body gets confused.

One of the biggest contributing factors to my tiredness at the moment is that I don't like my job. It means I spend most of my time trying to convince myself that 'it's not that' bad and I'm depressed about it so I'm living with SAD and trying to sort out my 'job' head which is knackering... gis a job...

see you on the forum

amy