I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Hello everyone! For the past five years or so I get very depressed in Winter and I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have no drive to do anything, I slightly neglect my personal hygiene, I'm always hungry and although I have no trouble getting to sleep I need to set 4 alarms to help me get up. I get up at 7am but I have to set my 4 alarms for 5am 6am and 7am otherwise I can't get up. Usually I miss all the alarms and have to rely on my husband to wake me. I have at least 8 hours sleep a night, by 11am I am shattered. It's affected my university degree because I live 12 miles away from uni and getting up at 7am in the dark just makes me sick.

I neglect my friends and just don't want to go out. I feel useless all the time and very needy and I have 3 essays due at the end of Dec and beginning of Jan and already I am FRANTICALLY worrying because I haven't started them. I'm always tired, usually crying for no apparent reason. I don't have suicidal thoughts as such but I feel useless and get very upset very easily by comments that really shouldn't bother me. I crave bread (especially smeared in hamburger mustard) and roast potatoes all the time.

However in Summer I am a COMPLETELY different person. I am so happy and confident. I have no problems getting up at 6am after as little as four hours sleep. I am often elated and every summer people comment on how glowing I look. I really do feel FANTASTIC in the summer. I have a great social life.

The only way I can describe how I feel is really like a tree. In summer when the leaves are green the tree looks beautiful and you can tell it's a live and thriving. But in Winter I feel dormant, depressed and feel like my life is going nowhere.

I am very sick and tired of the Dr Jekyll and Hyde personality. And on Monday, I am going to my Doctors for a diagnosis. I am frightened to death. I think I've always known (since Eighteen) I have SAD and I have tried to get a diagnosis only to be told that I have anemia. But why does the "anemia" return every winter? I am frightened that my doctor may think I'm being silly and say there is no such disorder.

It's ruining my life. I'm actually crying right now because I'm only young and I can't enjoy my life like I should because of my undiagnosed disorder. But I'm sick of being depressed all the time.
I can't be on Anti depressants because they take four weeks to kick in and they've always proved to be useless. I'm scared that they'll just write me off as anemic.
I'm so terrified my Doctor will try and say its "just anemia" like my last doctor did. But I can't go on like this. I feel stupid for posting this but I need help.

Thankyou for your replies Donna and PurpleIvy.

Although I would LOVE to try a light box, they are simply too expensive for me to try. Every year I think that this will be the year that changes and I won't suffer from it. I thought this year was no exception as I was honestly quite looking forward to Winter and my symptoms started about a week and a half ago which I felt was a bit late as It usually starts around mid October.

I have had a VERY stressful week and a bit though which may have brought the symptoms on. But I can't express how nice it is to find a forum with people suffering like me. I've never met or spoken to another person, online or otherwise. So yeah, I've been suffering in silence

Dear ClaireB,

I totally understand and relate to everything you have said in your first post. I think most of us on here do. Please don't worry, you are not alone even though at times it may feel like you are.

Do still see your GP as planned. I have suffered with sad for over 20 years now. I have used a lightbox which has helped me for years on and off but this year my sad got so bad, I felt suicidal so went to my GP to start anti-depressants for the first time.

I was so nervous about going as I thought he would just think I was mad! He was ok and started me on citalopram 10mg. I am not imagining it but have felt calmer and haven't had my usual panic attacks which stops me from socializing. I know its still early days and when I go back on Weds, I will ask my GP to up the dose to 20mg as things always get worse for me around xmas.

ClaireB, I fee like I have been given a new lease of life! I do so believe they work otherwise I would of had a panic attack twice by now in the supermarket on a dark and rainy night!

I diagnosed sad myself years ago as my mum noticed the changes in me from sept-april every year. I never went out, was very moody and tearful and didn't want to talk to anyone. My dad had sad when he was younger but feels much better these days.

If you get your sad diagnosed either by your GP or yourself (do see another GP if you don't feel supported on Monday) then do try a lightbox. Check with your GP in case you are on any medication as lighboxes are said to interfere with some stuff you take such as st.johns wort (from health food shops)have read that st.johns wort can make you more photosensitive to light.

Also I did hear that st.johns wort can interfere with the contraception pill so do check these things out too.

The reason sad sufferers feel more hungry is due to low blood sugar levels which is caused by low seratonin levels hence the carb cravings and sweets!

Also try to be kind to yourself, try not to put too much on your plate. You mentioned you are doing a degree course. Do speak to one of your tutors and explain how you are struggling in the winter. They may be able to help you and give you extensions on your essays. Get a note from your doctor on Monday to back you up. This will help to take the pressure off you. Its not your fault so please don't be hard on yourself. I was hard on myself each winter making it more difficult to cope. Guilt is another symptom of sad. You have nothing to feel guilt for.

Sad can make you feel so so low and awful. It prevents you from being your usual happy and confident self and frightened of the outside world.

Do you have family or close friends/partner you can talk to? This may feel strange letting it all out especially if you are used to being ok in the summer but if you have someone there when you need them, its a good thing.

Let us know how you get on won't you and please tell your GP all about your symptoms. You really are not alone and we are all here to support you hun.

Take care,

Donna x

Well I don't speak to my family. I have lots of close friends but I don't think they'd understand they all say I just seem depressed because of my financial situation, but it's not. I am married and he is so wonderful. I've been so low today he brought me a big pint of Ben and Jerry's and made me a big plate of roast potatoes:) On the light box subject for xmas, his family don't celebrate it so it's just me and my husband. He's been laid off recently, so I can't really ask him to buy me one. I will get one but I won't be able to afford a lightbox til January as with our money issues were already having to put christmas back a week or two.

I am still seeing my GP on Monday. It can't come quick enough for me and maybe he can get me light therapy at a centre.

I will definately tell you how it went at the doctors though, it really is so nice to know I'm not the only one with this. You have all been so so kind and it's great that other people recognise that I'm not just depressed.

I know from this post I do seem like a very depressed person but the issues with my family and money really don't bother me. I feel like I have no reason to be depressed and as it occurs every year I can't think what else it could be.

Hi ClaireB,
And, hi also to the other Donna. Donna, that is so nice of you to offer your lightbox and please ClaireB, please, please take her up on her offer. You really, really need to get yourself a lightbox honey.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better real soon.

You need to be careful what advice you give JohnK. I believe that St John's Wort is contra-indicated with using bright light. I think it can cause photosensitivity i.e make you more prone to damage by sunlight. That can be visual damage or sunburn when not expecting it. Sunlight isn't likely to be a problem in the winter, but if you are using a lamp,presumably that might.

I'm sure there must be someone here who has researched this, if not, might be worth while looking for yourself and checking before embarking on this as a form of treatment.

SJW has been proven to be effective in the treatment of depression and I have used it successfully in the past.

Thanks John but I'm two steps ahead of you :P Already stocked up on omega 3's and vitamins A-E as well as Iron and Zinc. Summer, How are you finding 5HTP?

Someone recommended it to me but I decided against it as it aids sleep which I have no problems with

Hi everyone,
I believe (and was also told by a co-worker that she believes)I have SAD. This has been awful for me because not only do I have chronic anxiety it has worsened this winter already and its only November. I can't seem to get up early even if I go to bed early. I have no motivation to do anything, and I have been so sad when there is nothing negative goin on around me. I have a few weird phobias as well.... I have an enormous fear of people with their faces covered, not the normal Halloween masks, I mean the everyday motorcyclist wearing a bandana over their face... I have yet to hear of anyone with a disorder like this and dont quite know how to avoid this as these people seem to be everywhere. Also I have a weird phobia of stained glass! Do not have any idea where these phobias could have come from either. Thank you all! Any suggestions?

Hi I have read your posts and wondered if you have any advice. I saw me GP on Wednesday because I have suffered with what I believe to be symptoms of SAD for the past six years and this year it has become too much. During the summer I ran my own business at the same time as holding down a job and studying. Now I can't get out of bed, i can't get energy together to do anything. I've had to quit my job, I haven't seen my friends in weeks and I have my finals in six weeks time. So in desperation I went to the doctor and she told me SAD doesn't exist - that it's just an excuse. She said it was a sunny day so I should have been feeling better if it was just due to it being dark outside. She told me that I couldn't expect to get a proper job after uni if I was lying in my bed all day so I just had to get up. Now I don't know what to do. I can't see how I can go from someone who is living her life to the full to someone who doesn't want to leave her room yet there is nothing wrong with me. Should I get a second opinion?

Please get a second opinion. Do you folks live anywhere near other members on the board? Maybe they can suggest a doctor who can help you.

It would be nice if this website had a list of "SAD-friendly" doctors in different areas. I have fibromyalgia and it's another illness that is "controversial" but my support group always helps people find doctors who can help.

I had a doctor who convinced me I was a hypochondriac and had me terribly depressed. I thought that I was going home for Christmas for the last time last year, to say good-bye to my parents. I was so cold-hearted by then -- completely emotionally numb, because I had been desperately looking for help and my doctor got very unprofessional with me and basically pushed me out the door.

Getting support has made so much difference. I now have support for SAD and fibromyalgia by doctors who know that these things are for real. Don't waste your time with doctors who don't know what they're talking about. They're terribly harmful to their patients. Please get some help.

I can't believe that a Doctor of today can sit there and say that SAD doesn't exist! I am gob-smacked! They need to think about why they are a Doctor and they need to understand that SAD is a recognized disorder.

Years ago I was put off from seeking help till recently due to a Doctor not believing I had SAD. She said it was depression only. I had only ever saw her that once! She didn't know me at all! I just thought, well maybe she has a perfect life and never gets ill so doesn't think anyone else should! Doctors like this should not be Doctors!