Please Help Me.

On the 5th of January, i woke up feeling missing and it just got worse for like a week, i was constantly crying, not sleeping, not eating cause i just ended up crying so much that I would nearly throw up for no reason at all.
Then I got better for like 1 or 2 days so I thought that it was just a phase.

And then i got depressed again for another few days and then i was okay, not perfect like i was before the 5th, but i was okay. But this only lasted for like 3 or 4 days and then i didnt get superly depressed like i was before, but i just felt empty, like i had nothing. And this had lasted up until like a week ago.. So a month of just being up and down.

A week ago I got so fed up that I looked on the internet for some reason why I was so messed up and i come across a website about people with Seasonal Affective Disorder and as soon as I read the symptoms, everything made sense and I know that I have it.
So i've just been thinking "Im like this cause of i have seasonal affective disorder" so i've been being hopeful.
But today it just hit me that even though I know whats wrong, it isnt going to go away, but im too scared to go to the doctors incase he says that i dont have it, cause then i'll be back to the begining.

But everything makes sense, I feel so empty, I cant feel love for the people that I love the most, I know that I love them.. I just cant feel it. And its so frustrating. And it's one of the symptoms of it.
I cant sleep, but when i do, i oversleep or i wake up early and cant get back to sleep.
I cant think, at all.. my mind's just blank.
I go from feeling lonely to wanting to be on my own within minutes
Im constantly annoyed and irritated
All i keep thinking is that im going to lose my boyfriend, cause i know that i love him, i just cant feel it and he's going to get fed up of me like this soon.
I feel guilty for not being able to feel love for him.

I just cant put up with this anymore.
Im only 17 and at the moment I just cant see a future if i cant feel anything and feel missing, constantly.

I have no bloody reason to be like this. I havent got any worries or stresses, i have the most amazing boyfriend who's stood by me through the past month of this hell, and i just dont know why im like this.

Pleaseeeee help.
I just need advice on what i should do, and anything that can help.

Thanks.

Hey.
Well I havent really gone to the doctors for anything except jabs so that makes me not want to go even more.
But I do want to see what he says, and to ask if there's anything I can do to help myself, cause I dont know what to do to make myself get better.

I have told my parents that I think I have SAD but they simply said okay, maybe.

Yes, my boyfriend is very supportive, which makes me just want to be better even more, so that we can go back to being a happy couple like we were before I woke up totally messed up.

I'll try and ask my mum to make me an appointment with my GP.

Thanks.

Hi Blah,
My SAD started when I was your age. I was confused and didn't want to go to my GP either, I just couldn't understand what was wrong. It took me years of feeling depressed every winter and happy and lively in the summer to figure out what was causing it. Admittedly, I never went to my GP, like you I'm nervous about it. But I've found ways to help the symptoms myself.

If you do have SAD there are lots of things that you can do to help control symptoms. You could try buying a light box, or try St John's Wort (but not together as S.J.W can make your eyes more sensitive to light). Regular exercise helps, as does a healthy diet. Also, this site is very reassuring and helpful.

Your GP will need to see a pattern of you feeling worse during the winter. I think you need to go to your GP for 3 consecutive winters with SAD symptoms before you get a diagnosis. Is this the first year you have experienced symptoms?

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but if it is SAD you will feel much better as Summer approaches, you will really notice the difference. Have you thought about having some counselling? It might help to be able to talk to someone about it who you are not emotionally involved with.

You're welcome. You should definitely feel better in the next couple of months if you have SAD, so hang in there! :-)

I hope I gets better soon.
Im starting to feel like it would be easier to just give up cause I feel better (not completely better but it'll do) and see my boyfriend and feel all hopeful of getting better and stuff and then I just get down again.
Im sick of feeling so empty and not being able to feel.
Im sick of sleeping loads and then not being able to sleep when im shattered.

I just want to be able to feel, I dun care about anything else.

I just wanna be happy in my relationship and get that overwhelming love feeling for him again.
We've been going out for a year and a half and that's a lot to me being as we started going out when i was 16.
I dont want to lose him because he thinks that i dont love him anymore.

:/

Hi blah. I am going to suggest you going to another discussion forum which I think might be able to help a little more. There is an online depression course here: http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/training/online/depression.html. It's free, you will have to poke around a little to find the link to request it. I am suggesting it because it'll give you some focus and it'll make you feel that you are doing something positive to move yourself through this. It's helping me, in case knowing that helps you in any way?

There is a forum associated with it, as well. Post to the folk there - and I think they might be able to help.

Apart from that keep using the lightbox. It took me about 4 days before it helped me. I just turn it on and spend as much time as I can in the evening in front of it. Sometimes it's 30mins, sometimes it's 3 hours. Depends what I am doing.

This is probably too much advice - but my only other suggestion is to completely remove sugar from your diet, and to take a multivitamin. If you have mood disorders sugar makes them worse cos it spikes your blood sugar and it goes up and down (and affects your mood).

Take care. x

Hi Blah,
You could have a look on these websites. They have advice for young people with depression and helplines you can call if you need to talk to someone confidentially. You can contact them by email too.

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-people/

http://www.getconnected.org.uk/#

I'm not sure what else to suggest, talking to someone can help. Also, if you can try to get out and keep doing the things you enjoy. Also, exercise helps to reduce symptoms of depression and if it's SAD try to get as much natural light as possible (sit next to a window, go for walks outside).

Also, this book is excellent, I found it so reassuring -Winter Blues by Norman Rosenthal. You can buy it through this website or on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Winter-Blues-Norman-Rosenthal/dp/1593851162/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235417976&sr=1-1

Blah

Tell us what you do in a day? I think you should (if you aren't already) try to keep busy. Keeping busy doesn't mean doing anything important - but you can do things you enjoy. For example if you like cooking - then go on the Internet and find a recipe for a cake, then walk to the shops and get the ingredients, then take the radio into the kitchen and listen to a station you like, then start making your cake. To make it interesting you could take a photo of each of the stages (dough in the bowl; dough in the pan; pan seen through the oven door; cake as it comes out of the oven; cake when you tip it out of the tin; icing mix in the bowl; icing on the cake). You get my drift.

I feel that you should try and do things. Just stuff. Cleaning out drawers. Sorting through photos. But stuff that doesn't involve computers. Get off the computer. Give yourself a manicure, paint your toenails, sort through clothes to take to charity shop. Make a list.

You know what I mean.

Let us know how you go. Even if you only choose one thing to do... it'll be a start. You have to give that lack of motivation a little push.

L x

Hey.
I didnt really do what you said about keeping myself busy, im sorry =[

Buh im cheering up now, I havent cried properly for no reason for like 2 weeks.
Im regaining my thoughts and when I saw my bf I could feel at least a little love for him, which im very glad about

Buh todai ive just woken up a little down, and its a bit sunny, buh im bringing myself down thinking of how im going in circles.

I know tha I should be going to the doctors, keeping myself busy and looking after myself but I do (except the doctors bit) and i feel better and then after a bit I dont, and im just so fed up of it.

I feel like im in a dream state half the time cause i dont know myself anymore and i dont know the people around me cause i cant feel a connection with them.

Please reply.