Hello. Need to chat

Hi everyone.
I must intoduce my self first, I'm Caroline married with 3 great kids.
I have been suffering SAD for about 4/5 years now. I knew I had it but didn't do anything about it. been to the doctors a few times and had depression tablets over the winter, about twice in the 4/5 years I think.
But towards the end of 08, about Aug/Sept I started to feel down again.I got to a point that I couldn't go on any more and went to the doctors. I filled out a form of the question you have to answer and my score was 22 out of 24. My doctor was worried about the harming thoughts and selfwoth lessness I had. Gave me tablets that took 8 weeks to kick in.I went back a few times for more tablets but when I went back at the begenning of April to get more tablets my score was 2/24 and my doctor told me I will have more tablets but he would wean me off of them. I told him if I stop I know the depression will come back in the winter. I describe what happens and he said it is SAD, but I have not had any tests to prove there is no underline problem.
I was fine up till my doctor told me it was SAD, I was down for a week after that. I knew I had SAD but being told it by my doctor just confirmed it and I was sad. I was ok after about 1 week, but today it is raining and gloomy and I feel down.
Is this normal to have a down day when you would normaly be fine in summer ?
Is it normal to go back down in April after being ok in March.
I am desperate to get into my garden to tend to my veggies and plants, I love being in my garden but today I can't as it's raining.
During the winter of 08 was my worst ever.
I stayed in my dressing gown all day, would get dressed about 2 pm so I could collect the kids at 3.30. I would sleep all day, cry all day. Had harmfull thoughts, thought I was worthless. Had a total mind blank all the time, couldn't think and was confused most of the time. Couldn't be bothered to do anything, bath, get dressed, cook, do housework, nothing. The worst thing ever for me was when my husband and I went shopping. I knew something we needed like bread and milk, the obvisious things. My husband was doing the shopping mainly but when we come to chosse shampoo and conditioner I stood ther and looked at the bottles and I told my husband I couldn't help him because all I could see was shelf after shelf of bottles, just bottles and couldn't tell you what thay were, this was so scary, not had any thing like that happen to me before. And one day when I was helping my daughter with her homework I looked at the piece of paper and all I could see was writing and pictures, it made no sence to me what so ever, could not even read it, so my husband had to do it.

I was a member a few years back when it was outside in, but not been on for a while.
I don't know, may be getting it of my chest may help to make me feel better today.
This is my first year of being on the depression tablets through out the year, but I am so worried about it coming back at the end of the year.
Does any one know by experience if it will/could be better this winter coming as I would have been on the tablets through out the whole year ?
I can't help but worry what is going to happen this winter coming, and what if something happens to me while shopping and I am on my own, or with my 2 year old daughter.

Caz