And we're off....

Hi girls & boys

I dont know if this is the same for anyone else, but i feel like the SAD has hit me like a sledge hammer this last week. I am tearful all the time, my eyes feel full of grit and I just want to sleep all the time.

I am also over sensitive and get upset at the smallest of things. Every year in October,without fail, I will go through a period of wanting to quit my job. My boss is an insensitive muppet all year, not just now, but it's only at this time of year it gets me so down and I want to leave.

I know it will all be ok again in March but right now the next 5 months stretch ahead like a never ending pathway that you have no choice but to plod along.

I am trying to take steps now to reduce the severity of the depression (my family all tend to think it's made up and everyone gets the winter blues)such as:

Have started Christmas shopping now, just buying one or two things a week

Planned to have Christmas dinner at home with just my new husband and I - usually have to go to my mums with about 15 people and I just want to hide and be anti social. We'll just go down there in the evening for games.

Have started buying and freezing things like turkey breasts, sausages in bacon etc so I dont have to entertain going into Sainsburys at Christmas time!

Have booked a massage for next week and plan to treat myself each month so I have something to look forward to.

Have started making and selling bits on Ebay for weddings (guest books and cake toppers) so that keeps me occupied in the evenings, where I used to be constantly thinking how dark it is and how rough I feel. I am always rooting round the back of the wardrobe for material to use for making the cake toppers so it keeps me busy!

Will walk to work the long way in the mornings to get as much light as poss, even when it is raining.

Have cut out chocolate almost completely which has made a huge differnce to the amount of headaches I get. Still get major carb cravings but I am not going to feel too guilty, I usually try and make a bag of crisps last all day at work and have another when I get home. Thats my one treat as I dont drink or smoke or eat sweets.

Treat myself to a bath in the evenings - I am quite serious about this as it is my little escape from the world and I often find I will have a few tears at this time of year, so I can have them in the bath without everyone seeing me.

Try and read lots of books - im a fast reader and will re-read ones I like again and again. Its like visiting old friends or going on holiday and again it passes the time.

I just wish I had the luxury of having lots of money and not having to work, but I dont and just have to find ways of coping with this every year. Luckily my new husband is very supportive and often listens to me moaning or crying and is always there to give me a hug and say reassuring things.

We had our honeymoon in Florida in September so this has probably made the onset of symptoms a bit faster and more severe than normal.

Hope everyone else is ok. Is there a support group on Facebook for this does anyone know?

XXX

Sleepybird, it's my policy that I don't go to the shops in December unless absolutely necessary. I have to make the occasional trip for fresh stuff and dairy, but that is kept to an absolute minimum. Traffic is difficult (less of a problem now I have a decent supermarket nearer home) , barging your way round the store, queues at the tills, car parking....

I'm getting through the days OK at the moment but feeling wretched most evenings.

Visiting my daughter in Italy at the end of next week and not sure how I"m going to manage this. I know I should be looking forward to it.

I can't bear being where there are lots of people as a rule, I have to be able to see an escape route, hate sitting in the middle of a row and so on. Bit claustrophobic in a way. Hard to explain.

Oh and I detest the annual office Xmas do - So many crowds, always a drama of some sort and pressure to drink loads even though they know I dont drink as it gives me insomnia. I would avoid but there are only 5 of us and being the secretary I have to organise it!

In an ideal world i'd just wear a cap or t shirt saying 'I am hibernating at the moment so please leave a message and i'll call you back in the Spring'!

I've given up buying tickets/paying for Xmas do's as I've cancelled so many times! Drinking isn't really recommmended with my antidepressant medication. I just tell people I can only have a drop and make sure that I"m driving if I really have to go somewhere.

@ Sleepybird, I'm going to visit my dd on Friday and using the dreaded Ryanair, so who knows where I'll end up sitting on the plane! I'm dreading being really late there and not managing to get the bus to the town centre. Hoping dd can come and meet me.