Live?

First i start to say sorry for my english.... I was just wondering what the reason is to live ive got to work for 50 years 5 days aweek then get drunk with friends on the weekends? work at a place where i don't want to be. but that's work evryone say to me, work is not fun they say.... then why should i stay here when i can go to a place where i don't have to live in a sad place like this. Last week i had a dream where i was hunted by some men with guns and i fell and they got me and they were aiming at me and i was so sceard then i remeberd that it was what i wanted and when they started shoting and evrything went black it felt so good like the big black cloud went *poff* but then i woke up, and it came back. don't understand why i can't feel good. when im out with my friends im happy but it feels like i got a mask on... One time in school a teacher came to me and wanted to talk with me, and i tought like what have i done now, but he asked me "how are you" im good i said? then he started to ask me if i realy was good and that he tought i looked very sad. maby he could see trough my mask? But still don't understand i got a good life, good friends and good family. why do i feel like this? The only reason that im still here is cause of my brother and mother don't know what they would do if i left, but still im so curious on death and so easy to go there. Why would i stay here...

Loope - you need to seek professional help my lovely, and as soon as possible :(

Loope, is there anyone you can talk to? - Close friend, doctor, relative? Your doctor should be able to help, and go through your various options with you. It's not always possible to cope with SAD alone, so don't please don't be afraid of seeking help.