Anyone identify with these symptoms???

Hi there, I'm new here - hello everyone. Quick background about me, I'm in my 30s now, I have not been diagnosed with SAD but I recognise a seasonal pattern to my moods and I have used lightboxes and dawn simulator for a couple of winters now. They help with energy levels but I still find the winters tough. In fact, I don't fully feel back to OK until mid May and then come early September my mood starts to dull again.

What I wanted to ask you guys is... I know about all the typical symptoms of SAD like craving carbs and feeling less active, withdrawing socially, sleeping more etc. But my moods seem to show most harshly in my relationships with other people. What i mean by this, is when I'm on my own, and given the space to 'just be' without being in a social situation - I don't feel depressed, in the sense of feeling unhappy or having low self esteem. But if anyone dares to rattle my cage and talk too much at me, or expect me to share my thoughts with them, I am very short with them, like a closed book. I try my best but I'm just being sociable for their sake and I can't wait to get away and hibernate at the earliest opportunity. Is this normal?

I am now in a difficult period with my girlfriend and I can see the same pattern occuring as has done with ex-girlfriends. I'm a sociable, articulate and loving guy for a few months, then very quickly I can drift into being a couch potato, not offering anything to the relationship, just going through the motions to keep up appearances and feeling very little emotional attachment, either positive or negative. It's this lack of feeling negative that leads me to question whether this is a depression.. or just me losing interest in the person as any other person might. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't figure out whether I feel this way because I'm depressed or just bored with the relationship. A tricky one to answer through a forum maybe, but I would be interested if anyone else felt the same way about their own relationships with partners during the ups-and-downs of the changing seasons.

Hi Bazz

Welcome to the site, I hope you find the advice helpful to you. I can fully identify with what you are saying about relationships. I can't say whether you are depressed or not because I don't have the qualification to do that but I hope that if I share my experiences with you it may help you to understand a little better.

I have suffered from SAD for at least 20 years. I have had totally disasterous relationships BUT and this is important, I now realise that the relationship breakdowns were probably more my fault than I was prepared to admit at the time. Had I had the insight to realise this at the time then I may well have taken a different route and had a totally different life.

I find that in the winter months I am totally intolerant of anything my partner does. They can't breath without irritating me. Very small things that would not bother me when I am feeling ok are blown out of all proportion. Not only this but my feelings change so much. I can be madly in love with someone in the summer then in the winter I feel totally different. I don't have the time of day for my partner and couldn't care less if they walked out and I never saw them again,(thats what I think anyway) but in reality it's not true. I do care but just don't have the capability to show it.

I think I go into a state of self destruct. I feel so bad about myself and how I feel that I just haven't got the energy to think about how anyone else feels. It just seems the easy option is to be on my own. Now when I feel like this I am able to take a step back and think "of course I love this person, it's not their fault I feel like this".

The most important thing is that you have a supportive partner. You need to sit down and explain how you are feeling and try to explain that it is not their fault. If they could be a little more tolerant of you at these times then that would be helpful..

Only you know how you feel Bazz but I think you probably are depressed or at least at a low ebb and could do with a chat to your doctor/counsellor as well as your girlfriend.

I hope I have helped a little.

Take care and good luck.

Thanks Piglet, just hope it helps. It's very hard to put into words how you feel sometimes.

I really hate the feeling of apathy caused by this illness. I like the feeling of being alive.

It is really difficult when you get to this point to actually determine whether you are just bored as Bazz says or whether it's because of the way you are feeling.

The hardest part is when you make the wrong decision and end a relationship that you thought had run it's course..... but it hadn't!!

What I wanted to ask you guys is... I know about all the typical symptoms of SAD like craving carbs and feeling less active, withdrawing socially, sleeping more etc. But my moods seem to show most harshly in my relationships with other people. What i mean by this, is when I'm on my own, and given the space to 'just be' without being in a social situation - I don't feel depressed, in the sense of feeling unhappy or having low self esteem. But if anyone dares to rattle my cage and talk too much at me, or expect me to share my thoughts with them, I am very short with them, like a closed book. I try my best but I'm just being sociable for their sake and I can't wait to get away and hibernate at the earliest opportunity.

I find that in the winter months I am totally intolerant of anything my partner does. They can't breath without irritating me. Very small things that would not bother me when I am feeling ok are blown out of all proportion. Not only this but my feelings change so much. I can be madly in love with someone in the summer then in the winter I feel totally different. I don't have the time of day for my partner and couldn't care less if they walked out and I never saw them again,(thats what I think anyway) but in reality it's not true. I do care but just don't have the capability to show it.

I think I identify with that more than anything I've heard so far. You have my sypathy and if you find a solution, please let me know!

When I am having a bad time and thinking about all the things I hate about him, I just ask my partner to ignore me "I am in hate myself and you mode" We just cuddle on the sofa and have quiet time. He has learnt not to expect anything from me when I feel like this. I just try to reassure him that I do love him, even if I don't feel as though I do.

When I have a good day I sit and think about all the things I love about him, all the little things he does to make me feel safe and happy. All the times he has put up with my "bad times" and without a doubt I end up thinking how the hell would I cope without this person in my life. At these times I always make sure I do something nice for him, ie cook him a special meal, give him a massage when he has had a hard day at work, just give him loads of my attention and loving. This helps make the bad times more tolerable because I get a lot out of doing these things for him too and he knows I won't always be the unaproachable, miserable, irritable b***h he is living with.

Unfortunately, I am now 45 and have only over the past 4-5 years been able to adapt like this. It has taken me a lot of years and a few failed relationships to realise I can't just run away or get rid of my partner when things are bad, because things are not going to get any better just because I am with someone new. Yes you will have the initial rush of excitement, lust, feeling of being in love, and to a point I have found that these have overshadowed my SAD. But when things settle into being with that person and the humdrum daily routines everything returns to normal, no matter who you are with.

Unfortunately this is my illness, not theirs and it will go with me no matter where I am.

Keep the lines of communication open, talk, explain how you are feeling, don't pretend that you are ok when you aren't. They can try and understand how you feel but in reality unless you suffer with this illness then they haven't really got a clue. All they see is someone who appears to hate everything about them and doesn't have the time of day for them.

Well sorry for spilling my guts like that. But if it helps just one person then it will be worth it!!!

Special mention to my darling boyfriend Mark, if it wasn't for his love and devotion I really wouldn't be the grounded person I am. Love you babyxxx

Hi Bazz

I know exactly how you feel, when I am down I spend my whole time trying to work out how I feel about my boyfriend. It's crazy, when I am "up" and the sun is shining, I know I love him like mad, but winter depression can really have you annalysing everything to death.

It's so easy to doubt yourself and trying to work out what emotions are real and aren't real are a total head F**k. It's awful as well because they can't do anything to help you. All you have to do is be honest and frank and talk to them when your feeling bad. Explain why it is and don't take it out on them. they will feel frustrated as they can't make you better, but communication may not fix everything, but it certainly makes all the difference.

I find that it helps learning from my past mistakes. I think about the way I would have reacted to something a few years a go and the way I would now after knowing what is wrong with me. Life is easier now!

Hope this helps!