WANTED: Any advice for partners

Hi there Sal, long time....

Have been giving your question great thought, which I confess is a bit like manipulating a maze filled with mercury as I cannot get my brain to do things in sequence.

However. My hubby has 26 years of a SAD Me behind him now, and I would say that in the winter he just steps back and tries to relax into the SAD situation, accepting it all quietly with its guaranteed inevitability. He lets pass all the niggly little things he might otherwise mention, he just bites his lip quite a bit. Of course I appreciate that your boyfriend does not have these years under his belt, which makes it very hard for both of you. But, in a few words, hubby sort of 'loves with detachment'.

Now that phrase 'love with detachment' covers a multitude of situations with those one loves or likes a lot, from grandparents through to teenagers. I first heard it at an Alanon meeting, where those trying to live with alcoholics have an opportunity to meet and help each other.

But SAD, like many other things, is impossible to totally understand unless one suffers from it too. My BIL told me think only of things that bring me pleasure, I explained that not only was I unable to concentrate that long on one thing, but whether I have SAD or tonsillitis, it would not make a jot of difference. At the end of the thinking one still has SAD or tonsillitis.

Possibly one of the best things you could do is get him to read this forum, and leave a copy of The Winter Blues (Norman Rosenthal) loitering with intent somewhere like the kitchen table.

I do so want to be helpful, but I don't think I have, oh dear ... :roll:

My God it's just like our relationship. It's as though you are on a mission of self destruct. I am exactly the same. I cause arguments for no reason, pick on everything he does (and doesn't do) and in my mind I have left him a million times.....and convinced myself that life would be so much easier on my own.

And really it would be, because you don't have to think about anyone but yourself............

Sorry I can't offer any advice, except that an apology and a cuddle goes a long way.x

that is so true. just yesterday i was really down and he could tell this when he phoned me. He came over to my house straight away just to give me a hug :P which is just the cutest thing and made me realise how lucky i am to have him. but then i start thinking that he'd be better off without all this hassel and it all starts again. roll on spring lol